What Part of You is Choosing to Binge Eat? Discover the Part of you That Chooses Food to Self Soothe

When I would binge eat in my 20's, it felt like someone, something else took over. I was no longer in my body. My present day, adult self was not making the decisions anymore.

From a nervous system perspective, I had moved from the parasympathetic nervous system, rest, digest, and safety mode to the sympathetic nervous system, fight or flight state where I did not feel safe. Binge eating often occurs in this fight or flight response in the body where you're trying to flee from a threat, make sure you have enough energy in your body to get away from that threat, and feel soothed by the act of eating from the experience of feeling like you're in danger.

From a parts work perspective, we have many internal parts of us that choose food for different reasons. Today, I wanted to go through a few of the parts of you that may take over and make your food decisions for you.

I want someone to take care of me

This is the part of you that is looking for motherly love. It's the part of you that wants to be wrapped up in a blanket and get its back scratched. It wants to know that it's loved and appreciated and wanted here. When this part of you isn't feeling cared for, seen, or heard, they may have learned that food is a way to get what they need. This part of you may urge you to go reach for specific foods that remind you of home, that you have memories around feeling cared for, that provide a mental sense of comfort regardless of how your body feels eating that food.

I want what I want when I want it

This is the part of you that likes to rebel. They don't want to be told what to do. If they feel any sense of restriction, they will lash out. They need to know they won't be deprived and that their needs will be met. If they don't sense that they're being given space to express themselves freely, to be their own person, to say no, and set boundaries when needed, food comes in as a way to break out of too much structure, rules, and regulations. This part also has a hard time believing that their needs are going to be met at some point and can get impatient to make sure they're getting what they need now. Food can feel like an immediate way to feel attuned to. The foods chosen can also often be the things that have been labeled internally as bad, wrong, or that you "shouldn't" eat.

I can't get anything right

This is the part of you that feels hopeless, helpless, defeated, and is looking to be rescued. This part has been taught from a young age that there is a right way to do things and a wrong way to do things. You may feel a lot of pressure from this part of you to get it right the first time. Because the expectation feels so high, it often can feel unattainable where this part of you signals to you to go reach for food. Food comes in to be the rescuer you're looking for from the intense pressure you're feeling and gives you a momentary break from feeling hopeless that you'll never be able to get it right. Food can be consumed in a quick and hurried way as this part of you is so overwhelmed from not knowing what to do.

Everyone's needs come before my own

This is the part of you that has learned to put everyone else first. If you could please everyone around you, then this gave a perceived sense of control that you won't be abandoned. The only way this part of you has learned to get their emotional and physical needs met is through eating. This can look like putting everyone else first all day long and then you find yourself binge eating in the evenings. Eating may be the only place this part of you feels comfortable putting yourself first. As long as you feel no one else will leave you, it doesn't matter if you abandon yourself.

Which parts did you resonate with?

You may connect with many of these parts that guide you to go reach for food for different reasons.

So, you may be asking the question, what next? After you have identified a part of you and that they have taken over and are pushing you to go reach for food, what do you do?

As I have said many times and will say again, we cannot change what we're not aware of. So first, get to know this part of you. Spend some time with them. When you notice their presence, have a conversation with them. What are their beliefs? What do they believe their job is in your life? What are their hopes and dreams? Instead of seeing this part of you as this evil presence that makes you eat, start to experience them as your friend that is doing the only thing they know how to do to protect you.

This can start to cultivate some compassion for them and support you in feeling more relaxed and in your parasympathetic nervous system when they arise instead of experiencing them as a threat to your wellbeing. You may discover over time in cultivating a relationship with them what they actually need when they ask you to reach for food and you can start to support them in feeling safe and secure in other ways.

My Intro to Somatic Eating™ mini course is on sale for Labor Day for 50% off until midnight on Monday 9/5. Somatic Eating™ is my life's work. It is a body-oriented, sensation focused therapeutic approach to eating. This approach facilitates a decrease in patterns of emotional eating, binge eating, chronic dieting, binge-restrict cycle, and body image concerns. This mini course will provide you with three Somatic Eating™ tools that will begin to shift your relationship with food to one that feels more regulating, grounding, and connecting. You can learn more here and if you have any questions, email me at support@stephaniemara.com anytime.