The Sneaky Ways Weight Stigma Shows Up In The Clothing and Medical Industries

Welcome to the Satiated Podcast where we explore physical and emotional hunger, satiation and healing your relationship with your food and body. I'm your host, Stephanie Mara Fox, your Somatic Nutritional Counselor. A few years ago, I walked into a doctor's office for my annual physical. These days, I opt out of being weighed but on this particular day, I was tired and just wanted to get through the appointment. So as I stepped on the scale, I was still wearing my winter coat, and boots and holding my wallet and the nurse asked me if I wanted to take everything off to get a lower number on the scale. I looked at her and said, "I really don't care." She looked back at me in surprise like shouldn't everyone want to try to get the lowest number on the scale as possible? She wrote down the number and walked away.

know I'm not the only one who has had these moments in doctor's offices that reveal how much weight stigma permeates the medical field. It makes it difficult to receive the best medical care and a compassionate presence from someone who took an oath to do no harm. Beyond body positivity, body acceptance, and body love, is simple human decency that every single person on this planet deserves to be treated with respect regardless of body shape and size and curiosity if you're having symptoms that may have nothing to do with your body's weight at all. Your external appearance shares very little about who you are, what you've navigated in your life, how you've grown, your values, your wisdom, or what makes you unique. I was so excited that Shira Rosenbluth had some time to come on the podcast and discuss this some more as I've been following her for years and love everything she puts out on Instagram as an eating disorder licensed clinical therapist, speaker, and activist.

Shira runs a private practice in New York and California and specializes in the treatment of disordered eating, eating disorders, and body image dissatisfaction using a weight-inclusive, Health at Every Size approach. She believes all people deserve to feel safe in their bodies. We chat about weight stigma in healthcare and the clothing industry, finding peace with your body, misconceptions about body positivity, and internal resources needed for this body image healing journey.

If you're looking to learn a somatic perspective to body image challenges, my brand new workshop Befriending Your Body Image Challenges with Somatic Eating® Practices is coming up in a month on Saturday, July 13th at 12:30 pm ET. This will be a live two hour workshop where we're going to discuss the hardest body image moments to navigate such as difficult body image days, the scale, body comparisons, seeing pictures of yourself, and more all from a nervous system and trauma lens. The link to learn more and sign up is HERE.

Now, welcome Shira! I am thrilled to have you here today. I was saying before we started recording that I feel like I've been following you on social media forever and so it's really exciting just to actually like, connect with the person behind the post. And, you know, I'd love to hear a little bit more about your history and how you got into the work that you're doing in the world.

Shira Rosenbluth 03:53

Yeah, and thanks so much for having me. I probably got here because of my own struggles. I think it's funny because I never thought I'd go into eating disorders and body image issues because I was always told, you know, don't do that if you're if that's something you've struggled with. It's just not a good idea. And then I worked in a private practice where I was given clients with eating disorders and then I realized immediately that's what I wanted to do. That's what I was meant to do. And so yeah, I've been doing it since about like 2012 and I love it.

Stephanie Mara 04:18

Wow. Yeah, I heard a very similar thing on my journey as well of also had a history with disordered eating and kind of felt like I was walking this fine line of like, should I go into this? Should I not go into this? But, then I was in internship and found myself at a working at an outpatient eating disorder clinic and I was like, nope, this is the work that I'm meant to do in the world so I really resonate with that. Yeah, and what do you feel like along the way has been in this body image healing, you know, world that there's so much out there where there's mixed information and everyone feels I feel like a little confused right now around, you know, body neutrality, body positivity, body respect, like how do I approach my body anymore? You know, what has been kind of your approach these days to just even connecting with the body.

Shira Rosenbluth 05:12

I think people have some misconceptions around what all these things are. Because when I think about body positivity is I don't think it means to love yourself, I think it means to make this world a safer place for people in all bodies. And then when it comes to the individual and you and your body, I don't think you need to look in the mirror and be like, oh my god, I'm so beautiful. Because I think I mean, that's lovely, if you do, amazing, like, no problem. But I also think that it's so much more important to look in the mirror and think like, I'm so much more than my body. And that's not who I am. And that's kind of how I look at things, because I don't think you need to love your body every day to have healthy body image. I think that, you know, I saw somewhere somebody wrote on Instagram somewhere that she said, sometimes I can't stand my kids, but I still take care of them. And like, it's kind of like, I was like, okay, I can get behind that. Right. So there are days where I just have a harder body image day for so many reasons, right? It's hard to be a human in a body in this culture. And it's I don't think it's realistic to love it every day. But like, how can I still take care of it? How can I still treat it well and with compassion? I think that's kind of how I like to look at things.

Stephanie Mara 06:13

Yeah. Oh, my gosh, I love that analogy. Yeah, it's like, just because you are frustrated with the people in your life that you love doesn't mean you're gonna abandon them or not listen to them or not take care of them. You're gonna still strive to show up for them the best that you can. And it's the same thing with your body as well. Yeah, and I know, you've been putting out some really fantastic information lately, just around weight stigma. And I would love to, from your definition, like, what is weight stigma? And I find it really sneaky. I think there are a lot of fantastic messages that are coming out about how sneaky like this ozempic messaging is weight stigma in disguise. And so I just love to hear kind of your perspectives on it all.

Shira Rosenbluth 06:57

Yeah. And I also I think, when it comes to ozempic and things related to that, I feel like we're being dazzled in a way, right? We're hearing people like Oprah and Weight Watchers and people from ozempic, being like, oh, this is going to solve diet culture. But like, explain to me how telling people that could only be in one body is going to change diet culture, because it's not what that is right. And so I think we're being gaslit a little bit by the people that have money in it. And with that being said, I don't know if I know offhand, like, what a definition what the definition of weight stigma is, but I just think of it as having negative associations with fatness. And sometimes it's, it's for our own selves, right, like how we perceive our bodies. But I think sometimes it's also, obviously it's about other people, it shows up everywhere. And I think it's hard when people say, no, no, no, I don't feel that way. I think all bodies are fine. And it's like, if you're a person living in this world, you've gotten these like insidious messages everywhere. You got it in the media, you get it from the doctor, you get it, literally from the time you're a baby. I mean, even just, on a very surface level, being thin is still considered superior. It's considered like when you look at a fat person, people will think like, oh, they're undisciplined or lazy. People even feel disgust. Sometimes, it's actually documented in studies that doctors feel disgust towards their patient's larger bodies, and are less likely to even touch them. And that's pretty even horrific to say out loud. But I think it's we have to face the reality of what weight stigma is, and not kind of be in denial about it. Because all of us, and all bodies have to unlearn this message all the time.

Stephanie Mara 08:36

Yeah, I think that's so well said that, that it's well researched at this point that, you know, even from, what are the statistics that it's like, from the time that even a child is like six years old, they like already have a framework that like fat equals like bad. And that is something that is taught. And it starts that young, that there's this association with this body shape, that there's something bad about that.

Shira Rosenbluth 09:04

Yeah. And I think also, it doesn't benefit anyone. I think people are like, oh only fat people get impacted, which by the way, that's not okay. Like we're still human beings. Some people also don't benefit from weight stigma because they are so terrified of gaining weight of having their bodies look a different way. They're also still dieting and trying to make sure that they don't leave that body and leave that privilege of having that body so it really impacts everyone thin and not thin.

Stephanie Mara 09:30

Yeah, I'm so glad you're bringing that in. You know, I feel like I've been in so many conversations lately about just literally feeling terrified to gain weight, regardless of what body shape and size someone is in because of the culture that we live in. Or even like you said, this can start from the time you were born. You know, if you were growing up in a household that everyone was maybe in diet culture or fearful of also gaining weight you receiveed this message from the time you were here that like, oh, to also be in this pack of my family and feel like I belong here, I have to make sure that I also don't get that body type either. Right?

Shira Rosenbluth 10:12

Right, because we also learned to be accepted, to be loved, to be respected, you have to be in a smaller body. So of course, people are going to try to attain it no matter the cost, because those are things that are universally things that we all want and seek out as human beings in this world.

Stephanie Mara 10:29

Yeah. Where do you find this weight stigma that we're talking about? How does it show up in sneaky ways? Like we talked about one ozempic. What are other sneaky ways, you talked about being how you're being treated by your doctor, which some people that may not be aware of, like, it's not normal for your doctor to like, not give you the same respect as like any person should receive. But what are other ways that you feel like it shows up?

Shira Rosenbluth 10:57

Well, I think if we're talking about specifically like the medical field, you know, if somebody in a smaller body comes in to the doctor's office with something like diabetes, they get care, and they get treatment, and they get a solution to managing it. And then somebody in a larger body comes in and they look at them, and they say just lose weight. And like, the person still could have diabetes in a smaller body, because there's no illness or disease that somebody only gets when they're in a larger body. I think also insidious, like the other insidious ways you're talking about is a doctor just, you know, somebody coming in for strep throat or something. And then the doctor tells him to lose weight, that has nothing to do with why they're there. Sometimes doesn't even treat the issue, which obviously we know can lead to a lot of hard things. And I think outside of the medical field, I'm even thinking about the way clothing, right, you try to go to a store as a fat person, and you literally cannot find your size in person at all, which is and then so the few stores that have them have them online. So that's basically telling us that person like you shouldn't be seen in real life, something's wrong with you, they can't make clothing for your size, there must be something so terrible, something so wrong with you. And I think that's, I mean it's insidious and also not insidious in the ways that show up, and which also, it's very telling because we value money as a society, we won't even take a fat person's money. Like, that's how much you hate fat people. It's pretty scary.

Stephanie Mara 12:18

It makes me think, I actually was just watching and I'm totally forgetting the creator, and where they even were, but it was something on Instagram. And they were like, okay, I need plus size for my clothing and I'm gonna go walk down the street with a bunch of well known brands and see, like, can anything fit me here, and like, not a single store on that street had a size that would fit her. And like, that's how it like shows up in these really subtle ways we are saying just by not even having clothes that are readily available to fit you that you could walk down the street and get like, that's where the weight stigma also shows.

Shira Rosenbluth 12:57

Yeah. And it's interesting, because people say like, people might think that this is shallow, we're just talking about clothing. But that's a difference between somebody getting a job or not, if you show up at a job interview, and you don't have something decent to wear, you're not going to be looked at with respect. And we already see that fat people get hired at lower rates, which is another way weight stigma shows up. So they don't even have the clothes to put on their bodies to show up at an interview. Not having clothing, for many reasons really does impact somebody. And I do remember the first time I went to I think I was at a mall the first time, I think there's only a few left in the world now, nowadays, but I went to a mall and it was like when I had just started recovering. My body was very different than it used to be. And I don't think there was a single, I think maybe Athleta was the only store in the entire mall and it was activewear which I didn't need. Yeah, there's not a single store in the mall that I could wear clothes at. And I was like, oh god, I don't miss this. It's interesting because you recover into a world that's essentially telling you to go back to your eating disorder, like something is wrong with you. And it's, it's really hard.

Stephanie Mara 13:56

Yeah, I'm curious, just as you're talking and referencing about your journey with coming into a different relationship with your body. What did that look like for you? Like, what were the pieces that you feel for someone listening and still feeling like they're in that terrified place, what were some maybe key points that were important along the way?

Shira Rosenbluth 14:15

I think for me, community was really, really important. I needed, first of all, I needed to see other people in larger bodies like living real lives, being happy, fulfilled, satisfied, just living their lives. So I had a lot of those like role models in my life, which was very helpful. And I, I was in a smaller body in my eating disorder, but I knew that wasn't the body that I was going to be in if I would eat again, because I historically never had a smaller body when I was eating. So just like having those people in my life and thinking well, they're living amazing lives, and maybe I can too, but also, to be honest, I think I was really pushed into getting help before I was ready and being ready is kind of an interesting thing to talk about because it's hard to be ready when you're really really mentally in a dark place. And not only are you like cognitively maybe really struggling because you're malnourished, but also, it's hard to say like, okay, it's fine, like you go back into a larger body in a world that hates fat people, it's not easy. Honestly, it was really pushed not just by my providers, but by the people in my life that I was really close to. So you know, at some point, they insisted that I have somebody move in with me, who like made all my meals and sat with me while I ate for about six weeks. And I did not want it. I remember feeling angry all the time. But also she left and I kept eating. It felt horrible at the time, but I'm so grateful that I was pushed into it, because it allowed me the opportunity to live the life I have now which so I guess what I'm trying to say is that sometimes we need outside support and community before we're ready. Because I don't know if there's ever a time where you're fully ready to just give up your eating disorder. And so it wasn't just only about motivation, if that makes sense.

Stephanie Mara 15:58

Absolutely makes sense. Yeah, there's not a place where you will be like, yeah, I really feel ready to get over this eating disorder because the eating disorder was there serving you and supporting you and protecting you in so many different ways. That also there's going to be a part of you that does not under any circumstances want to give that up. So I hear community was one piece that was really important. Was there anything else that you noticed was really supportive to start to kind of land back in your body in a safe way?

Shira Rosenbluth 16:27

I mean, I think it's, it's interesting, because I remember I was giving a talk with one of my friends at a conference and somebody said, oh, how do you now, how do you get to a place now where you love your body? And when we're just thinking like I don't, I never said I love my body or like I'm in, I'm in recovery, and I'm doing better than I ever could have dreamed. I'm so grateful for the freedom provides me and for me to be able to do the work now with other clients. But I don't love my body every day. And so I think it's I don't know that I have an easy answer. I think again, what we talked about when we first started this conversation was okay, but how do I take care of myself anyway. And also letting people for example, letting my fiance into my life and letting her love my body, even if I don't always, and again, like, I know, it's a community, but like, really surrounding myself with people that I felt safe with. Because in my life, I grew up in a home where I wasn't given love because of the size that I was. And I was essentially told that I couldn't be loved unless I was thin, which is, you know, sounds extreme. But I know I'm not the only one that's experienced things like this, you know, I grew up in a toxic environment filled with diet culture, where I didn't really have any attachment because of the way I looked. So allowing myself to be around safe people, for the first time in my life, people that were that were rooted in Health at Every Size, and were anti weight stigma and anti fat bias and were actively working on letting that go, allowed me to do the work so that I could also feel safe in my body. And I don't always feel safe given the world we live in. I also know that what I tell myself often is, if I went back to my eating disorder, that's I can't like, not only physically will it be bad for me, but also, emotionally, mentally, my entire life was consumed by food and calories and numbers, and I had nothing else. And I can't be in a relationship with my fiance, and I can't be in relationship with my clients and I can't do things that I love and have passions when I'm still engaged in my eating disorder. And so I think that for me is I'm healthy enough physically and mentally at this place to keep going on even when I have hard days. Because I know I will lose everything if I go back to my eating disorder.

Stephanie Mara 18:27

Something I hear in that is like finding the greater intention. I know that's something that I had to do as well of like, okay, well, if I engage in my food coping mechanisms, that means that I'm not going to be able to be present or connect with who is now my husband, we were dating at the time, but that won't be possible, or I will not feel like I want to go out and live my life and be around other people if I engage in this. So it was very much like, what's the bigger intention here? Why does this feel so much more important to not engage in this than maybe momentary safety that this provides me?

Shira Rosenbluth 19:06

Yeah. And I think, you know, when I was in the depths of my eating disorder, nothing was enough to make me stop because I was so just malnourished and sick and really in it. But I think that's an amazing thing for me to like, that's an example of what I how I can frame things, when I'm in a better place when other people are in a better place because it's sometimes it's hard to hold on to that when you're sick because no matter how much your eating disorder takes away from you sometimes it's still really hard to let go. But when you can make some steps and get a little bit more nourished and have some supports in your life and honestly build a life worth living outside of your eating disorder that's incredibly important. I think that's when you can start holding on to things like that. Well, not that you can't hold on to it before but you can hold on to a little bit more.

Stephanie Mara 19:47

I get that. When you were so malnourished, was at that point as well at one point, and so I understand what you're talking about that it's hard to think clearly. It's hard to even futurize. It kind of feels like there's blinders on a little bit where all you're focusing on is the next coping thing you need to do. And the next coping thing you need to do. So I get that, that sometimes it's hard to like, take away and like, open up the vision a little bit more to see like, okay, and there is a whole life that I could possibly create for myself. And that does take time and support, and also a lot of coregulation with other people to start to support your body and saying, hey, there's more for you here.

Shira Rosenbluth 20:28

Yeah, absolutely.

Stephanie Mara 20:30

I want to come back to a point you made just a second ago, around this idea of, I hear this a lot of like, isn't the goal to love my body, like I need to unconditionally love my body every single day. And I am on the same page with you that that is not the point of having a body, you actually don't need to love your body to be in a body. And if anything, I make an analogy a lot around, can we just see our bodies as a pet? Because I love my dog so much and I would do anything for him. And so it's like, okay, can I see this like exactly how I would treat my dog that I would never deprive it of water or I know you said like, I know, we're just talking about clothing, but like that's on Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. Like it needs clothing, it needs warmth, it needs shelter, can I give it all of these things that it feels safe to be here, and then some days, I'm like, not really gonna love this cared for body. And then some days, I might have like, some gratitude or some appreciation for this body. But it doesn't have to be the goal is like body love.

Shira Rosenbluth 21:32

Right. I forgot their names, but they talked about how your body is an instrument not an ornament. And I kind of love that. Like, what are the things my body can do, right, it can pet my dog and hold the people I love and walk to beautiful places and see the world. And there's certain things like, you know, my body can and things that are not so fun, like carrying groceries or whatever it might be. But there are things that my body can do. And I know not, you know, not everybody's able bodied, but what are the things your body can do, that have nothing to do with the size that it is? It's so much more than, again, like looking in the mirror and feeling beautiful. I think it's about just knowing you have inherent worth as a human. And I remember once I went to the gym, back in my eating disorder, but I was having a really hard time and I was and you know, they have mirrors everywhere around you sometimes. And so I was looking in the mirror and feeling like absolute disgust. And I don't know what possessed me to do this, but I pictured my sister's face on my body and instantly, I felt like this relief, this calmness, this love, this care that I could not feel for myself when I was just picture looking at myself in the mirror, which again tells us that it's has a little to do with the so little to do with weight and size and so much to do with just how we view ourselves. And what that all means, because again, when I saw my sister, my sister's face with my body, I didn't feel disgust or horror or disappointment. I just felt love. And I think if that's something that you can practice, that might be helpful, too.

Stephanie Mara 22:58

Yeah, that sounds like a really powerful moment. And I see that a lot with those I work with as well. As soon as we bring in someone else, we tap into all of that compassion that we just have for people. And we would never treat anyone else in our lives the way that we treat ourselves ever. And so it's like, yeah, where is this coming from that like I would treat myself this way, but I could be next to someone who has my exact body shape and size and see them as the most amazing, most incredible human being, want to be around them all the time, and like, why is it that I don't feel that way about myself?

Shira Rosenbluth 23:36

Yeah, I think that's one of the things I hear so much universally with all of my clients like, but it's different. For me, it's different. And I'm always like, you know, you are very special and unique, but I promise you're not a unicorn. But somehow the rules are always different for us when that's really not true.

Stephanie Mara 23:52

Yeah. So I'm curious about these other things that you've explored with those that you've worked with to move towards maybe just feeling like a little bit more peaceful or not necessarily even peaceful, but feeling like you can kind of ebb and flow with body image changes from day to day, that it's not going to be consistent, we are constantly going to perceive our body differently for a million different reasons. And so what have you found maybe be in that flow with a bit more ease?

Shira Rosenbluth 24:21

Sometimes I ask my clients like, is there anything else going on for you right now? Because sometimes when things are extra hard, our bodies become the scapegoat. And I always remind my clients, your body does not deserve to be the scapegoat for the hardest things happening in your life. First of all, just even just checking in to see what's going on. And then with that being said, taking away the focus from, no you have to like your body anyway. Like it doesn't make any sense. It's not real. Like, whether it's real or whether it's not real, that's what they're feeling instead of trying to push them away from that feeling. Okay but how can you take care of yourself? Like, do you have some soft and comfy clothes that are your go to when you have hard body image days? Can you put on some nice music and still make yourself a good breakfast even if you're struggling in your body? Yeah, can you take a bubble bath if you have time for that. What are some nice things you can do in your body, regardless of whether or not you're feeling good in it.

Stephanie Mara 25:06

I love that. What that makes me think of is, you know, so often this idea of a bad body image day, it's like, that's when, you know, diet culture talk in our internally gets insidious, or I have to do something about this. And it starts to be perceived as this like very, like, dangerous, threatening thing to our well being. Oh my gosh, I feel bad about my body, I have to do something about this. And something I hear you just talking about is can you actually come closer to yourself in the difficult body image day and just say, oh, yeah, I'm having a hard day with my body today and how can I still show this body respect? And how can I, you know, flow with my body and what it's experiencing, and that it's just maybe going to be one day. Like,
it's, you're not going to feel that way about your body forever.

Shira Rosenbluth 25:56

And you try to lean away from, oh, it's just a distortion. Oh, it's not real. Like, can we talk about what's real, what's not real, because for people in larger bodies, it's not a distortion, it's it is a real, like, it is a reality that sometimes somebody in a larger body will go outside and eat something that somebody will judge them or make a comment about them eating something, or even you know, I have a friend who went grocery shopping, somebody took things out of her cart that they deemed unhealthy because she was in a larger body. And so the world isn't always safe for people with larger bodies. And that doesn't mean that we can't live amazing fulfilled lives, but that we can't just dismiss just negative body image issues as not being reasonable or real. Because sometimes it is. And again, how do you take care of yourself? How do you surround yourself with people that accept all parts of you? And how do you take care of yourself, even when things are so hard?

Stephanie Mara 26:44

That like, breaks my heart just to hear that happened to a human being? And ugh.

Shira Rosenbluth 26:53

I know. I know.

Stephanie Mara 26:54

And it just it is that, you know, I talk a lot about like nervous system and safety here on the podcast. And unfortunately, when you live potentially in a body that is not deemed as acceptable from societal's, viewpoint, that it's like, when do you really get to feel safe in that body? You know, and I think its what you're talking about. It is saying, okay, safety might be needing to create on a second by second basis of how can I show up for myself and surround myself with people that support this body in feeling safe, and show this body that it can feel safe being here exactly how it is because there are so many different ways that, you know, it's kind of like looking out for cues of threat or cues of safety. There are tons of cues of threat for someone who lives in a larger body all day, every day, that like just to go to the grocery store and think like that might happen to me just like blows my mind that that would even happen to someone like just that they never deserved that. They're a human being just living their life. I'm curious around what you have felt like also has contributed to that sense of safety. Like when we're talking about, you know, if we see body love, I mean, it is correlated of like, well, if I love myself, then maybe I'll finally be able to feel safe to be here in this body. But you don't have to love your body to also feel safe in your body. And what do you feel like besides surrounding yourself with people that support you and feeling safe, and you know, communities and environments, what else has supported kind of body safety for you, and those you've worked with?

Shira Rosenbluth 28:29

Again, healing some of our older wounds, right? For me it was, not growing up in a home where I was loved or whether I did, or didn't receive attachment because of the way I looked or was perceived to look. And so how do I reparent those old parts of me? How do I heal from those kind of wounds, I think that's been really important. And honestly, it's not like a one month thing or even a year thing. It's takes a long time to do that. And I was also only really able to do some of that work once I was more nourished and more further along in my journey. So really working on some old trauma pieces, if that's something that comes up for people.

Stephanie Mara 29:05

A lot of this body image stuff is kind of a trauma response, and not the body itself. I actually really hate the messaging that is coming out there that if you just heal your trauma, then you'll lose weight, just like like I'm adamantly against that. Just crazy and not the point of trauma work.

Shira Rosenbluth 29:24

And like diversity never existed beforehand? You know what I mean? Like, okay.

Stephanie Mara 29:29

Yeah, exactly. That just infuriates me. But a lot of the times how we perceive our body or how we feel in our body does correlate with potential past trauma that we've experienced. And I hear that's what you're pointing out is oftentimes to also with the body that we're in, and to be able to be in relationship with it differently, sometimes we need to go back and be like, well, how was I taught to view my body in this way? What did I grow up around? Where did these messages come from? You know, I've had a lot of conversations with people around like their parents putting them on a diet. So it started so young, about like, oh, this body isn't acceptable as it is in this world. So that's what I just hear you kind of coming to is sometimes it's working on the body image itself in the present moment. And sometimes it's like, well, let's get curious about what's underneath this.

Shira Rosenbluth 30:21

Yeah, for sure. And again, like not everyone has, well, actually that's not true, I think most people have some sort of experience to work through from just existing as a human in their bodies. But yeah.

Stephanie Mara 30:33

Yeah. So I'm wondering, you know, usually I like to offer people a baby step, if someone's just kind of starting out, or maybe in the middle, and they're kind of saying, okay, I would like to maybe be in relationship with my body differently and how do I go about doing that? What's kind of a baby step that you would offer someone who maybe wants to put less pressure on that they have to love their body, but also come into a deeper relationship with it at the same time?

Shira Rosenbluth 31:01

Yeah, I mean, I think the first step is really just noticing. Because I think sometimes we don't even notice all of the negative mean thoughts we have about our body. And depending on how you feel about this, for some people, they even write it down for just a week, like all the negative thoughts and that can be intense. So I don't necessarily recommend that for everybody. But just seeing out loud, the things that you say to yourself that you don't even realize, and how you would never talk to a single person in this world and the way we talk to ourselves, and just noticing it in the beginning. I think there's, you know, the next step is obviously trying to reframe it and bring compassion into those moments. But I think even just first noticing where you're kind of inner bully and mean voice shows up in regards to your body image is a good start.

Stephanie Mara 31:43

Yeah, kind of bringing more of that present awareness to it. Because, you know, the saying, like, we can't change what we're not aware of. Yeah, I love that, that it's like, write down for a whole week, all the things that you say about your body and really notice, like, how am I even in interaction with my body? How am I thinking about my body? And, you know, there's the whole, like, top down approach and bottom up approach where that kind of works with both, you get to see that the thoughts that you're thinking can kind of affect how you feel in your body and also how you're thinking can sometimes be information of how your body is also feeling. So I think that is such a fantastic suggestion to start with, because just bringing more awareness to our thoughts, now we have a little bit more choice. Is that how you want to keep thinking like, do you want to be thinking differently about your body?

Shira Rosenbluth 32:34

Yeah. And it also, I think, another piece to that also is even like is there anything in your life that you're not doing because of the size that you're in? Is there anything that you're putting on hold? Could it be as simple as like not buying yourself clothes because you don't like the way you look? Or are you not public speaking because you don't want people to see you? Or like, is there a job that you're not pursuing? Or, you know, it could be literally anything and just trying to live a life where you're not putting your life on hold, because your body is not the way you want it to be? Again, which is another way to show compassion to yourself by treating yourself well regardless of how you're feeling in your body.

Stephanie Mara 33:09

Yeah, I completely agree with that, you know, even while you're writing these lists about the things that you're thinking, you might write a list about things that you have maybe been putting off until you get the body that you have been taught or think you should have. And even saying, okay, is there anything on this list that maybe feels tolerable or manageable for me to move towards getting that bathing suit, you know, buying those clothes, like going to that dance class, you know, whatever it might be that you feel like, wow, I've really been wanting to do this, like your body can do that right now as it is. And just as you've been also talking about, like, bring a buddy. If you need someone to come with you and be like, hey, would anybody do this thing with me and come along with me to also you know, get that coregulation to maybe make it feel like a safe experience to be in.

Shira Rosenbluth 34:03

Absolutely.

Stephanie Mara 34:04

Yeah. Well, thank you so much for being here and for sharing all of your wisdom and how can individuals keep in touch with you and just the awesome work that you're doing in the world?

Shira Rosenbluth 34:13

Yeah, you can find out about my practice on my website, shirarosenbluthlcsw.com, where I practice in New York and California. And then you can find me on Instagram @theshirarose.

Stephanie Mara 34:23

And I would absolutely recommend following you. I think I've like liked almost like all of your posts, like every time you post I'm like that's so good! Yes! So I would definitely recommend following you, love everything you put out there. And you're just a very important voice in this world to really challenge a lot of the just societal norms that should not be norms whatsoever.

Shira Rosenbluth 34:45

Thank you. Thanks so much.

Stephanie Mara 34:46

Yeah, well, thank you so much, again for being here and to everyone who's listening, if you have any questions as always, I will leave our contacts in the show notes so reach out to us anytime and I look forward to connecting with you all again soon. Bye!

Keep in touch with Shira here:

Website: ⁠https://shirarosenbluthlcsw.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theshirarose/