Healing Body Image Doesn't Start With Self Love

There was never this beautiful explosive moment in the process of healing my relationship with my body like you see in the movies of exclaiming, "I love myself! I really really love myself." This hype of what being in our body is "supposed" to be like is actually getting in the way of healing any wounds you may have around your body image.

I want you to think for a moment of any significant relationship you have in your life.

This could be with a partner, a family member, even a pet. There are days you may feel annoyed, frustrated, disappointed with this other being. Some days are easier to navigate this relationship than others. We don't just walk away from these relationships just because some days feel hard. We might keep in our hearts and minds that we still want this being to be in our lives and so we flow through those moments and days the best we can.

The same goes for our bodies. Some days are just going to feel more intense in your body. Some days you're going to feel frustrated, disappointed, and maybe even judgmental about your body. To heal your body image does not mean these days will never happen ever again. What this means is that when these days do happen that we commit to respecting our body because we still want our body to be in our lives.

There are many many reasons why body judgment occurs.

Take a moment to think back to the first time you judged your body.

How old were you?

What was going on at that time of your life?

What did you believe changing your body would give you?

What I have seen over and over again is that body judgment comes in often at a young age to protect us from something. For myself, I was bullied and picked on a lot as a kid. I was sensitive, outspoken, incredibly honest, and very expressive (all things I own and deeply appreciate about myself now). Looking back, kids my age probably didn't know what to do with me. We often ostracize others because of our own discomfort with something different. All I ever wanted when I was younger was to fit in and feel like I belonged. As a kid, if we can't understand why something is happening we can make up a story to try to gain understanding and feel like there is something we can do.

My story, and the story of so many, was that I needed to lose weight and that would give me everything I was looking for. And this was solidified by my external environment over and over again from the articles I would read in magazines, to the commercials I would watch on television, to observing the type of person who would be "popular" at school. What this story was covering up though was all the pain I felt of not feeling seen and appreciated for who I was. It was never really about my body.

That moment that occurred for you, your focus on your body came in also to protect you from something. Healing your relationship with your body doesn't start with self love. It can start with going back to that moment and allowing yourself to feel the pain, sadness, disappointment, anger, frustration that wanted and needed to be expressed and got turned around at yourself. Every time a focus on your body arises or you start to judge your body as it is, this is your red flag to know that some part of you is needing your attention to express something.

I want to expand what body acceptance means and that includes that some days you're going to have a lot of stories coming up around your body that are going to feel difficult to navigate. Body acceptance means committing to digging deeper underneath the story to respect that your body is trying to tell you something that may take time to interpret. This is why healing body image doesn't start with self love. It starts with curiosity, inquiry, explorations, expression, and emoting. You don't really need to love your body shape to start to heal your body image. Your perception of your body changes depending upon what is going on in your inner world. If you're struggling to process emotions and sensations coming up, that might look like thoughts arising of picking on a body part you have said to yourself a million times needs to change. It is not really about that body part needing to change. This is a coping mechanism to not address how your body feels.

Body acceptance can start with accepting that you have a body.

This body has shifting and changing needs from day to day. This body is going to change over time as it is not a static thing. This body is going to feel and sense and process. This body is going to grow and expand and shrink in various different ways throughout your lifetime. Healing your relationship with your body image is getting comfortable with change and the unknown.

If you want to start taking steps toward body acceptance, take the pressure off of yourself that this process is about loving yourself. It is actually so much bigger than that. It can be healing your past to make way for a different future for you and your body. It can be creating new beliefs around your body and body image so that you can step into a new relationship with yourself. These steps can start today. They can start right now. And if you want any support at any point in this journey, email me at support@stephaniemara.com anytime.