Creating Physique Goals with Intention and Lifting Weights to Regulate Your Nervous System
Welcome to the Satiated Podcast where we explore physical and emotional hunger, satiation and healing your relationship with your food and body. I'm your host, Stephanie Mara Fox, your Somatic Nutritional Counselor.
I've had clients ask me over the years, "is it alright to have body goals?" To which I always respond back, "yes!" with a caveat that we explore what the intention is behind the body goal. Let's say you have some body goals like to lose weight, to gain muscle, to complete a marathon, or fill in the blank your body goal. First, it is completely fine to want to experience what your body can do. It is even fine to want to shape your body in a particular way. Here's where things get sticky. If your body goal starts to lead to body harm now this body goal is affecting the quality of your life. There are certain confines you're working within around your genetics and the shape of your bones that you can't change. When your food and body behaviors are being dictated for the sole intention of getting the body you've been taught you should have and you'll do anything to get it to the point of not respecting or listening to your body that is when body goals become harmful and dangerous. But this doesn't have to mean that you shouldn't create body challenges for yourself. If you have a history of disordered eating or an eating disorder, it will be important to learn how to track yourself. Something that may start out with great intentions may spark some familiar neural pathway for you where it can become a slippery slope. And, something you may discover in challenging your body in new ways is that so much has already healed within yourself that you want to move your body for the joy of supporting it in feeling vibrant and empowered rather than how that movement may shape your body.
I'm thrilled to invite a dear friend back onto the podcast, Kylie Larson. Kylie is the founder of Elemental Coaching and host of the Far From Perfect Podcast. She helps women of all ages feel and look their best. Her passion lies in changing lives and helping others reach their full potential in all areas of life. She guides her members to go deep and examine their thoughts around themselves, food, exercise and diet while supporting them to reach their physique goals. We explore the intention behind body goals, the importance of physical movement beyond changing how your body looks, the connection between weight lifting and good stress, the complexities of self care, and so much more.
In two Saturday's, on July 13th at 12:30 pm ET, I will be offering the Befriending Your Body Image Challenges with Somatic Eating® Practices Workshop! I was a kid who hated moving their body to a teenager who over exercised so I know what it is like to have a conflicting relationship with physical movement. We will explore how to bring in physical movement practices that honor where your nervous system is at and what your body may need. You can click HERE to learn more and sign up.
Now, welcome Kylie! I am so excited that you are back on the podcast today. I always love connecting with you. I love our conversations. And you've been on my podcast before so for those new listeners that maybe haven't been introduced to you, I just want to start off with you kind of sharing a little bit about your history and how you got into this work.
Kylie Larson 04:20
Absolutely. So thanks for having me back, Stephanie. I love our conversations. So I got into nutrition by way of fitness. And I like many people was an active child and I enjoyed that. And I continued working out through college, and that's where I kind of went awry. Started working out a little bit too much, started eating a little too little. And it became problematic. I didn't know I was doing anything wrong, to be honest with you. I didn't know. That was my background. And I started working in the real world, in my previous life, with a job in marketing and advertising. Didn't love it, fell into yoga because of an overuse injury from working out too much, and decided that I had to be a yoga teacher. And long story short, five, seven years later, I did become a yoga teacher. And that opened up so many doors for me, connected me with so many amazing people started teaching all kinds of classes, not just yoga. Love that because I loved working out clearly, I loved it a little bit too much. But then after I had my son, I got into nutrition because I decided as a goal, I had always wanted to compete in a figure competition. Like one of those things where you prance on stage in your bikini and all of this stuff. I don't regret that experience because of everything that I learned. And that's truly what brought me the understanding of the power of nutrition, and how it pertains to our conversation today also, about how we truly can use our nutrition and our fitness to build something in a healthy and sustainable way. And so I had done all the unsustainable things. I had worked out to the point of I had stress fractures in both of my femurs at different times, I had eaten so little that, you know, I had lost my period, and all of that in the past. And then through the bodybuilding competition, I also saw some extremes. What's interesting, though, is because I had my yoga background, like deep down inside, I never took it extreme, because I was like, extremes don't really work for me, I know, I can find a balanced way. So I had a pretty balanced experience through that. But then at the end of that, I knew I was like, there's got to be a way to do this, to where you have a body that you feel good, and it feels strong and capable, but without the extremes. And that's what brought me to my coaching program, now, Elemental Coaching, and delivered it to the masses, and it became a great thing. And now I'm able to weave my love of strength training and proper nutrition and mindset work all into one. And that's long story short of how I got here.
Stephanie Mara 07:10
Yeah, we have so many overlaps in our history, in that I also to manage a lot of kind of what I know now sympathetic nervous system activation in my body got into very much an over exercising a period of time in undergrad, and also got some overuse injuries as well and then found yoga. I was like yep, yep, yep. And...
Kylie Larson 07:36
There's a path.
Stephanie Mara 07:37
Yep, that's it. That's a common path. And, you know, thank goodness for yoga, and all it has to provide. But I love what you offer now and what I feel like you do such a beautiful job in and kind of this theme of the month that we've been exploring on the podcast is about body image and what happens when you want to maybe work towards a body goal. Sometimes for those that I work with, there's a lot of shame, there's a lot of guilt, there's a lot of questioning around, okay, if I want to, you know, start lifting weights, or I want to shape my body in a particular way, does that mean that I'm not practicing body positivity? Or does that mean I'm not respecting my body? Or, you know, does that take me away from body neutrality? So it gets really confusing. And I thought maybe we could start there and what you've discovered, because you've been in a lot of realms where the physical appearance has been so heavily focused on and you've learned so much from that.
Kylie Larson 08:40
Yes, I'd love to talk about that. Because it is such a nuanced conversation, and I struggle with those questions myself, to be quite honest with you.
Stephanie Mara 08:50
Yeah, I think it's an ongoing conversation that especially for practitioners that are in what I will call the like, health and wellness realm, or world, is that it's okay, what's the intention here? You know, am I trying to shape my body in a particular way because my worth as a human being is still tied to this, or do I want to just see what my body can do? Like I want to challenge myself and experience new novel experiences inside of my body through lifting weights, through starting running, through you know, doing kind of new physical movements that I've never done before, you know, my husband and I just started rock climbing over the past year, indoor, I will not do outdoor rock climbing. That's not for me. But you know, like, just seeing like, wow, this is a new challenge for my body to see what my body can do and I'm wondering to hear your thoughts and experience on that.
Kylie Larson 09:49
Absolutely. I think you've hit the nail on the head with the word intention. Like why am I wanting to do this? Is it because I think some people will find me more attractive if I do this? Is it because I don't like myself as I am and I'm looking for something to make me happier? Do I think looking a certain way will bring me happiness? Or are you doing it because of all the other positive things I want to challenge myself, I want to see what my body can do? The why behind it matters. See, the thing is we get to choose what's right for us. And that's how I justify it in my head, because I was telling you something before we hit record like that is an inner conflict that I have, am I perpetuating a problem? And at the end of the day, no, I'm not. Because why I'm doing is to help women, and potentially men, reach their fullest potential. And when you discover how strong you are, and how capable you are, that translates into other areas of your life. So it's the intention behind it like the why am I wanting to do this? And also do I think this is going to change my state? Because if you're miserable where you're at right now, and you think that building bigger muscles and getting leaner or whatever is going to make you happier, it's not. So right. It's like the yoga thing, the only piece you bring at the top of the mountain is the piece that you bring with you. Same scenario. And I think just having that open dialogue, that open conversation, and always checking in with yourself, why am I doing this? What is my intention behind this will help keep us in that place of body respect, body neutrality, whatever the word that resonates with individuals the most, it can keep you there. It's not wrong to want to change your body.
Stephanie Mara 11:41
Something that I really resonate with that of what you just mentioned around will this help me in my state, is that, for me, I created a love for weightlifting, I had two gym credits in undergrad. And everyone kept telling me that weightlifting was the easiest class. Now, was it a potentially, like harmful class in retrospect? Yes, because there was nobody supervising any of the students in the class. The teacher weighed you at the beginning and took your body fat percentage. Yeah, like that would not happen any more like, are you trying to create eating disorders in like young, undergrad, you know, minds and bodies? Yeah, so probably isn't happening anymore. But what it did do was it introduced me to the gym that up until that point in time hadn't really lifted a weight, I was more kind of a cardio junkie of getting on the elliptical and doing hours and hours and hours on the elliptical and being like, oh, I worked out great today. You know, for anyone who's listening, if you love the elliptical, or the treadmill or any of that, like to each their own, whatever works for you. And it kind of introduced me to that there was nothing that shifted how I felt in my body more powerfully than lifting weights. And I find that when you are maybe traversing your sympathetic nervous system, and in more of a fight or flight response a lot, there's something about the energy that it takes to like lift a really heavy weight, that starts to kind of like move that through your system to like somatically, digest it, and tap into your sense of empowerment, that you are not in threat, you are not in danger, you are in power. And weightlifting, can really do that. But I feel like now when you know women want to lift weights and maybe feel a sense of strength in their body, regardless of maybe how that looks externally is taken, as you know, from some other realms of like, well, why would you want that, you don't need to do that. Like, that's just you trying to like get a certain look and why do you want that look, and sometimes from some realms, some judgment around wanting to feel or sometimes look strong.
Kylie Larson 14:03
Yes. And there's a couple things I want to talk about in regards to your nervous system. When you think about strength training, it is the perfect example of good stress. Because in the moment, it's challenging, it's hard. You do your reps with your heavy for you weight, there's your stress, you put the weight down, you rest in between sets. There's your recovery. So every time you go to lift weights, like you're able to finish the entire stress cycle. So to me, it's like this beautiful metaphor of what stress should be like, yes, we want stress because it makes us resilient when we have time to recover. And then you go at it again, even stronger. So I love that you just brought that up because to me strength training is so much more than just lifting weights and more than what we look like. And that's another thing why I think it's so empowering because when you are strength training you are strength training and lifting weights with the intention of making yourself smaller. Whereas oftentimes when we're doing other activity to simply burn calories, again, intention matters. That's what we're after. So I think it's this powerful shift, whether you realize it or not, your goal now becomes, I want to see if I can lift more, I want to see if I can get stronger, versus I want to see if I can lose weight, I want to see if I can change my body in a different way. So really powerful shift in perspective. But yeah, there is probably judgment that goes along with it. But there are so many other benefits to having muscle on your frame, just besides the way that it looks, it truly is their calling another organ of longevity. Aesthetics aside, there are so many benefits of having more muscle on your frame, that, of course, we should all be lifting weights. So let's get in there.
Stephanie Mara 14:03
Yeah, yeah, I really hear you pointing to is with this idea of like, when it's constantly from, you know, diets, like get smaller. You know, I think, especially for women and men, too, that it kind of shifts the focus to how do I make my presence in the world, kind of non existent? Like, how can I just make myself so small that I'm not even here, where as when you're lifting weights, you have to eat more, you have to give your body more nutrition, you are building something, you are making something more present in this world to say, I have a presence here, like I am here, I matter, I deserve to be here. And I'm going to nourish my body in a way to show my body that it also can feel safe to show up and be recognized and acknowledged in this world. So I really hear that like, it's also like a mental shift, instead of trying to shrink myself as small as I possibly can, which has its own kind of cascade of things that can happen internally, when you are focusing on making yourself be as small as possible, I find that the body then gets this message of like, it's not safe to be here. Whereas when you are building yourself up, you are going into it is safe to be here, and we're gonna make our presence as known as it possibly can. Because it is so safe to be here in this world.
Kylie Larson 17:30
I had never thought about that before. But that feels so true. It's not safe to be if we're chronically dieting, and always trying to make ourselves smaller. The message is, it's not safe to be here. Yeah, versus I can take up space, I'm worthy of taking up space I want to be seen.
Stephanie Mara 17:47
Yeah, it goes way beyond this conversation of how my body looks. When someone says, well, I want to have like physique goals, can we move beyond the physique goals are for something about a certain look externally and do those goals align with what you want for your life, and are moving you closer towards more self expression, more presence here, you know that if you want to start doing some kind of physical movement is that creating the safety in your body that then makes you feel like you want to live more of your life, whereas sometimes I find if the physique goal is going after it, because like you said, I'll be happier when or I'll get in the relationship when or I'll wear the bathing suit when, that that still sending a cue of danger to the body. Something that I teach in one of my classes is that if our sense of safety is tied to something that is constantly changing, we never get to feel safe. So if our sense of safety is tied to how our body looks, and the end goal if we're on a journey of doing new physical movements, that we never get to feel safe. So we kind of have to take that sense of safety and put it on something that's more salient so that regardless of how your body ever shifts and changes, regardless of what weights you lift, or what physical movements or exercises you explore, you always get to still feel safe. I'm wondering if you've experienced that yourself?
Kylie Larson 19:25
Yeah, I mean, that's so powerful, because you know, I work a lot with women who are in their 40s. And that's when we move into perimenopause and our bodies change. It doesn't matter what you're doing, you are going to experience a shift and it's so hard for women, especially if they're our age, and a lot of your worth has been tied to the way that you look moving up into this point and then all of a sudden you have no control over what's happening. The lack of safety that you feel is real and all that's doing is stressing your body out even more even more. And so if your sense of safety is tied to something that's constantly changing, I can see how you would always feel like you're in fight or flight mode. And your body just continues to freak out and move in the opposite direction that you're trying to get it to go. But you use the word more. And I think that's what strength training affords us more of whatever, like, whatever it is that you want, it will get you more of that. It's so funny. This has come up in like three different conversations that I've had lately, the concept of are you running away from something you don't want or are you running towards something you do want? And I think when we're always trying to make ourselves smaller or shrink, or manipulate our bodies to look a certain way out of a place that's not loving and kind, we're running away. But when we're trying to build, we're trying to get strong, we're trying to become more capable, that's running towards the thing that we want. And it's making decisions out of fear or making decisions out of love. And one of those makes us feel safe, and another has us always in our fight or flight state.
Stephanie Mara 21:04
Yeah, I'm wondering, in your experience, what you've seen helped the women that you've worked with, around riding that fine line of, I want to do something for my body that supports it, like we're talking about just the benefits of lifting weights, regardless of maybe how that changes how you look externally and riding that fine line of like, yeah, I want this, but I also don't want to get too attached to the outcome that it has to look a certain way.
Kylie Larson 21:37
One of the biggest things that helps is becoming content with where you are right now. Whatever that looks like, and just understanding, I have to be able to accept myself as I am right now. That kind of changes everything for everyone. That's the biggest thing. And then also being where you are meaning not comparing to past, not comparing to some imaginary future that may or may not occur, but really being present in where you are, this is where I'm at. Now, I have control over this moment control being what I do, those are the two things that really help. Because if we aren't doing those things, when we get to the end place, people are still not satisfied.
Stephanie Mara 22:31
Yeah, I'm so glad you brought in this piece around comparison to past self, especially when you're going through perimenopause or menopause. There's all this comparison of what you used to be able to do or what your body used to be able to handle or function differently. And oftentimes, what I find is that that comparison, regardless of where you're at, in your menstrual cycle years for any woman, is the comparison to past self doesn't always have to do with the look, but the time and the experience of that body, you maybe you felt more joyful, you felt more connected, you had more community a part of your life when you had that body that you're comparing yourself to. And so the body shape and size gets connected to the felt sense of what you want. Now, like you want more of the joy, you want more of the connection, you want more of the freedom, but you can also get that in the body that you have now. So that's what I really hear you pointing to as being really curious, when you're comparing yourself to past expressions of yourself. What is it about that past expression that you're actually comparing yourself to? And what of that could happen right now in the body that you have now?
Kylie Larson 23:46
You just decide it. So here I was the other day at Cold Stone. And there was a grandmother there with her kids. And she got, you know, I go and I get like my Like It, maybe I'll get a Love It depending. And that's one scoop versus two scoops for anyone who is not familiar with Cold Stone. Grandma gets a cone with like three scoops of ice cream and something else on top. And she's just living her life. And I'll admit, I might be doing a little like, math in my head of you know, okay, where am I at for the day. And I was like, I'd like to get to that place where I just don't care. And I thought why are you not there right now Kylie? It's a choice. It's a decision. I can get a cone with three scoops if I want it, right. It's just a choice. What you're just saying, like, do I want that joy and that freedom? I could get that right now.
Stephanie Mara 24:41
Yeah. And I appreciate you bringing in that it's such a journey. And that I find that most practitioners don't share where they're at on their journey, that there's this facade of social media, especially in the body image healing world that it's like, I've got it all figured out. But especially in kind of the body positivity world a little bit where there's kind of this picturesque thing now of, yeah, like I just, you know, appreciate my body all the time. And you know, I don't really have a lot of hard body image days. And I haven't met a single practitioner, a single person in kind of the health, fitness, wellness world that isn't still on their own journey, figuring things out for themselves, because this is an ongoing journey for every single person on this planet. It's never that you get to this magical point where you've arrived. I really like to normalize that with every single person, the fact that you live in a body, and we live in a culture that is so externally focused, and we have this social media, which can be wonderful to connect with new practitioners and get new ideas, but it also exposes you to things that maybe you would have never been exposed to before. That every single person will have difficult days being in a body. So it's not a matter of getting to this place where you will never have a difficult time with your body or its appearance ever again. It's kind of like how can you show up for yourself in it? Where I love the question, you asked of like, well, why couldn't I do that right now? You know, just that curiosity of like, oh, that's a sticky place that's still inside me what's going on there?
Kylie Larson 26:28
I love that you brought that up. Because I was talking with a woman, she coaches people to move away from over identifying with their careers and perfectionism. And I was asked, well, how have you overcome this? She was like, let me be very clear. I am still in recovery. Like I am a recovering perfectionist and not to be dramatic, but it's kind of like an alcoholic, like you are never fully cured of alcoholism, you're always in recovery. And that's what we're all doing. We're all just learning to make the next best decision as we ride this roller coaster, with our ever changing body.
Stephanie Mara 27:06
Yes, yeah. And I mean, just even where we're at now with the ozempic era, that this will not be the last place that we ever go through where diet culture kind of speaks up for people and says, this is the way that you're supposed to look, or this is the thing that you're supposed to do. This will not be the last thing. There's been a million things before it. There'll be a million things ahead of us.
Kylie Larson 27:33
Yeah. Well, and also like, within my head, my thought process there too was it's you also have to get to this point where you care about your health, you still care. But it's a balancing act like, okay, I got two scoops because I care about my health and wellness, you have to balance your yes's with your no's. It's such an interesting, nuanced conversation. Some days, it's worth it, some days, it's not. And I think that's where we all have to figure out for ourselves. Is this worth, is this decision worth it? In this point of time? Ever evolving conversation. It is. Because we can't say yes all the time to everything. Right?
Stephanie Mara 28:11
Right. You know, what I hear in that is that it's coming back to how do I want to care for this body, let's say in this moment, caring for my body might look like three scoops of ice cream. And then another moment it's like, you know what, actually, if I have three scoops of ice cream today, that's going to send me on a blood sugar high and crash and I'm not going to feel good. And then I'm not going to be able to show up for my family. And today I'm going to say no, because I actually don't feel like that's the best decision for me right now. It's kind of like the word that you used at the very beginning of this is a very nuanced conversation. And I find that a lot of diet culture, anti diet culture, body positivity culture, wellness culture, fitness culture, they want to put everything in this black or white box. If you're doing this, that means this. If this happens, that means that's happening. And it's never that clear. It's never like that we live in a spectrum of rainbow colors. You know, I don't love the color gray, instead of saying like all sorts of shades of grey. But we have just like this nuance in our relationship with our food and our body that it comes back to a word I use a lot here is just autonomy. Your autonomy to choose for yourself, that what is best for you and your body. Sometimes that's going to look like lifting weights. And sometimes that's going to look like taking a rest day or a rest week or rest month. Because that's what your body needs. And you know, really getting curious about the internal dialogue of if I do this, if I follow what my body needs there's that fear that comes up but how is that going to affect my body's appearance? And it kind of becomes this vicious cycle where then your kind of sympathetic nervous system is activated. You go and do something that maybe isn't the best thing for your body because there's another kind of your amygdala is driving that thinking this is the best thing for my body, I have to keep pushing my body to get what I think I need to then get the acceptance, belonging, love, worthiness, enoughness that is sometimes underneath all of it.
Kylie Larson 30:13
Absolutely. Progress looks different for everyone, you and I, when we were like in our over exercising days, if you and I went on vacation with maybe two other people who didn't have any sort of physical activity in their lives at all, and we need to move our bodies to be healthy progress for us would be taking rest days on vacation, progress for them would be making sure they go for walks on vacation. Right? Progress for someone might be saying no to birthday cake in the office, whereas progress for someone else might be saying yes to the birthday cake. So yes, we can't compare what is progress for us or what we're doing to what anyone else does. We just don't know where they're at in this whole process.
Stephanie Mara 30:53
Yeah, I'm wondering with kind of the place that you've gotten with your body today, with everything that you've been through, what do you feel like have been key points, to feel a little bit more spaciousness to let your body evolve as it needs to?
Kylie Larson 31:07
Putting less focus on it. Running a business has been one of the best things for me because I don't think about my body nearly as much. I don't take full, like, I'm embarrassed to even say this, but I'm gonna say it. Like, I used to take so many pictures of myself. It's just disgusting. Like, I was like, obsessed. I don't do that anymore. Because I just don't think about it. Becoming a parent was also a really good thing. That's not everyone's journey. But again, it became less about me taking focus away from my physical appearance, focusing on other things. And then what that did also, it got easier, like it just got easier. And I'm trying to apply this now to our previous conversation before we hit record to other areas of my life, like to work. Maybe it's not about forcing things. Maybe it's about letting things just flow with what feels good. And that's again, part of a process. First, we need guidelines. And then we can widen the riverbanks and then we find our own flow. But those are the things that have helped me and I know it sounds wacky and it's hard to tell that to clients who desperately they want results so bad. And how do I say, well, Barbara, if you just focused on it less, that's not helpful. I really think that's key.
Stephanie Mara 32:28
Yeah, I actually really love that aspect that you're bringing in. It makes me think back of when I was kind of deeper into food and body challenges. In my early 20s, I was seeing a therapist at the time. And she recommended that I go volunteer someplace. And I started being just dropping in at a drop in center for at risk and homeless youth and cooking a meal. And for those couple of hours that I was there, I was not thinking about my food, I was not thinking about my body, I was interacting with other people, I was being of service, I felt really good leaving that environment, I had a lot of interesting interactions, I felt like I was doing something really important with my time, I felt purposeful. And slowly that focus started to shift more and more away from my body and its appearance of like, my body just stood for several hours to cook someone else a meal, it started to move into what my body could do and what it was helping me to engage with in my life. So I'm actually loving that you brought this in. The other thing that it made me think of is, when I was working at an outpatient eating disorder clinic, one of the women that was going through there decided that she wanted to care for something else, to shift the focus off of her body and she adopted a dog. And like her healing after she got this dog like skyrocketed, and I will never forget that of just the power of leaning into, okay, there's been so much focus on this body, what else do I want to focus on in my life that actually taps me back into who I am, my compassion, my heart, my purpose for being here. And then it's the body becomes the vessel of all of these things that we want to do with our time rather than my body needs to be or look a certain way to do these things.
Kylie Larson 34:33
And as I think about this, I always was wondering, like from a somatic perspective, if someone is always so hyper focused, I find a lot of people like they zone in on a certain area and I'm like, this is woo woo, it's out there, but are you exaggerating this area just by your thoughts? I don't know. But I'm like I have, you might know. Like if you're always dealing with your stomach.
Stephanie Mara 34:55
Yeah, yeah. No, I hear what you're saying. I find that, so oftentimes, yes, I agree with you that first, there are usually certain body parts that, you know, for those listening, you're probably it's like right there for you, you're probably already thinking of it like, yep, this body part gets so much attention. But what I find is that usually that's the body part that has the most sensation, or has had the most maybe harm, or intense experiences done to it. And so if you could get control of this body part, you know, then maybe you won't feel so many intense emotions and sensations there. So I'll share personally that a lot of the times, you know, when this was more of a focus in my life, the body part for me was always my belly, which makes sense, because I've had digestive issues for most of my life. My digestive tract is still sensitive, will probably always be the sensitive part of my body, because that's the way my body really talks to me is through my digestion. But I felt so much sensation there all the time, that it was like, if I could just get control, if I could just harden and shape this part of my body, then this body part might feel safe. But it was actually just letting this body part be as it needs to be, and come into contact with the sensation that's there and make it safe to feel with time and practice, you know, that took time to come into deeper connection with my belly, especially when there was so much sensation happening there, then my experience of my belly and the way that it looked totally changed. Because it was safer to be in contact with that body part. So I'm curious if anything comes up around that.
Kylie Larson 36:44
I mean, I just can think of so many people that I work with that healing is going to happen through a lot of different modalities. That's the thing that's coming up for me the most. Like, I don't think fitness and nutrition can operate in a bubble. I think it needs to go along with therapy, with somatics. "But I'm just trying to get stronger." Okay, that's cool. You might be. But, I don't know, the work is deeper. The work we really need to be doing.
Stephanie Mara 37:12
Yeah. I agree with that. You know, when I was going through just my master's degree in getting my master's in somatic psychology, there was not a single course on nutrition, which just like blows my mind that you're going to sit with someone also that, yes, sometimes someone's hardships have nothing to do with what they're eating. But I also feel like that needs to be included in the dialogue, because food does affect us in some really profound emotional and nervous system regulation ways. And I find that there are some eating disorder practitioners that are bringing this more into their work to not diminish that when someone is having digestive issues, for example, not just blaming it on the eating disorder, like it could be from something that someone is eating, or there could be something going on in their digestive tract. Now, does the research show that those who have a troubled relationship with food or a challenging relationship with food often also have more of a prevalence of like digestive issues? Yes. But that's not always because of what's happening in the body and in relationship with food. Sometimes it is with what you're eating. And so yeah, there's all these realms that healing needs to occur. And even with body image healing, I find it's the same thing that it's not just about working with people around body love or body acceptance. It's also kind of getting curious about, you know, sometimes we talk about here with cravings, for example, like, why that food? Like why is that the food that you want to eat in this moment? Okay, why pick on that body part? Like, what is it about that body part that it's holding some memory, even some maybe generational trauma, like is that the body part you always saw your mom pick on? So you normalize for you, that's the body part you're supposed to pick on. There's just like you said, like a lot of layers to this, that it's not just can I just love my body more.
Kylie Larson 37:13
If it were only that easy.
Stephanie Mara 38:10
If it were only that easy, just to be like, okay, just gonna, like love my body more and like everything will be great after I get to that point. But, you know, if we take the example of like any relationship that we ever build, even in the most loving relationships, you're gonna have hardships, you're gonna have disagreements, you're gonna go through it sometimes with that person. Same thing with your body. Even if you get to the place where you're like, I love my body so much. You're gonna still have some really hard days with your body sometimes.
Kylie Larson 39:43
Absolutely. No, you're gonna have to go find some jeans or something. I mean, like, lots of opportunities to practice I'll say that. I do want to circle back to like shifting the focus away. Like it's all interconnected. So I was talking to Steph about work before we hit record. And one of the things that has helped me shift my focus away from overworking also, is teaching yoga again, right? Because I have a hard stop, I have to stop thinking about work and be totally present in another area. And it's helping. How is it helping? I feel better, that's what it's helping, like, I feel better, I feel less stressed. I feel, I don't know. It just helped me stop. Sometimes we just can't control like the runaway, the getaway train that is our brain.
Stephanie Mara 40:31
Yeah, it makes me think of the practice that's offered in somatic experiencing around pendulation, that sometimes like this practice is you focus on something that maybe feels a little bit intense inside of your body, and then you move away from it, you don't just stay with it. Because sometimes to stay with the most intense experience is so overwhelming that we move outside of our window of tolerance, that we have to sometimes touch in on what feels intense. So you're touching in on, you love your work, you want to be there or you're touching in on, I want to get closer to my body, but it feels really intense to be in relationship with this body part and then move away from that to something that gives you an entirely different bodily experience focusing on now I'm going to teach yoga, that's a totally different body experience than like running your business. Or now I'm going to focus on a totally neutral part of my body that I don't have any emotions or sensations or reactions about so you touch in on like, let's say it's your, you know, for a lot of women, it's like hips, belly, arms, thighs. Yeah. So you know, you touch in on these parts of your body, and then you move away from it of like, oh, my eyebrows look really great today. Or, like, I feel no sensation in like, I don't know, the tip of my nose, like my tip of my nose feels totally neutral. And coming into that your whole experience isn't that one body part, you actually consist of so many body parts, that you might not have any reactions to your fingernails. So it's like, can I come into contact with like, yeah, my fingernail feels smooth, and it feels kind of like warm and room temperature and kind of soft. And so that is also an experience you're having in your body along with that there's maybe more of an intense experience happening in these other body parts. Something that I'm curious about just coming back to that you're teaching yoga again, are you doing that online? Because for those who are listening, that's how I got introduced to Kylie was I started practicing yoga with her online, love your classes. They're so great. And so I just was curious for anyone listening, like if they want to take a yoga class with you can they do that virtually?
Kylie Larson 42:51
Well, I mean, I still have my classes on Yoga Download. I just recorded a couple new ones. And we're doing a retreat in Thailand. And then I'm teaching at a local gym, a fancy gym, which is very interesting.
Stephanie Mara 43:02
Yeah, to teach yoga at a gym...
Kylie Larson 43:05
Yeah, being back in an environment where a lot of people are doing group exercise classes. And I see things like, when you see things, you can't unsee them. And I'm like, I'm not judging. I'm not judging. I'm just seeing people in all the classes that they're going to, how often and you know how it is? It's just it's hard to see dysfunction sometimes.
Stephanie Mara 43:25
Absolutely. You know, when you have a history of over exercising, I know that I would be able to pick up on who's really struggling, even in the yoga classes I would go to. I'd be like, oh, that person's in it. You can feel it viscerally. Because you know it in your own body. And you know what that looks like.
Kylie Larson 43:45
So it's interesting. You know, it's given me a lot of good things to talk about with my clients, that's for sure. Yeah, but it's fun being back teaching again.
Stephanie Mara 43:53
Yeah. So where can people find you and you know, your programs and the work that you're doing?
Kylie Larson 43:59
Yeah, the best place to find me is on Instagram @thekylielarson. And I am always in my DMs and responding to them. Then from there, you can get to my website, which my coaching company is called the elemental coaching. And just a little like background, it used to be called lift to get lean, but then I couldn't do that anymore. Like because of all the things that we're talking about now, who's to say lean is better? It's like, why are we doing this? So it's about tiny movements, elemental shifts.
Stephanie Mara 44:27
Yeah, I love that. I saw you go through the whole rebrand process. You have so much to teach around how it's not just about lifting to get a certain look, right? It is lifting to get maybe how you want to feel in your body and that also going on a lifting journey, it does bring you face to face with a lot of things, it does bring you face to face with like, can I really lift one more thing? You know, that voice of doubt. And that voice of oh, you shouldn't even try that. Or you don't know how to use that machine so you shouldn't even go and experiment with that over there like it does actually bring you face to face with some things that show up in maybe other areas. But I'm wondering, just even before we wrap up here, have you seen that lifting, like when you go into it, it translates to other areas of maybe feeling more self confident or capable to navigate other things that happen in life?
Kylie Larson 45:25
Yes. So a while back, you used the word purpose. And that's one of like my five arms of our coaching. And truly, that is what happens, my clients, whatever success looks like for them with their bodies, they get there. That's the easy part to be honest with you, then guess what they do? Then they start businesses, then they ask for promotions, then they get divorced, because they realize that's not a relationship. It brings you so much confidence. And you start to believe in yourself that you are willing to take risks so that you can live out your life's purpose. And that's when it all comes full circle. So then you're out living your life's purpose, you're taking less, less focus on the way you look. You look healthy. So it's funny how it all comes full circle. Yeah, it all starts by picking up some weights, and then all sudden, you're living your best life.
Stephanie Mara 46:15
Yeah. Well, I am a big proponent, that it's never appropriate to make comments on anybody's appearance. It's just like, why? There are so many other things that we could be talking about. But I will say there have been periods of my life, where someone has said, like, oh, did you change this? Or did you lose that? We could get into a whole conversation about that. What I'm trying to point to here is that there have been periods of my life where actually my body did not change at all, but the way that I was living inside of my body, and that was shining through that someone sensed something was different. But we're so externally focused around something must have changed about you externally, where it was like, no, there has been an internal shift in the way that I am showing up in the world. And so yes, you are maybe experiencing me differently, but that has nothing to do with me like trying to lose weight, or, you know, do something with my external appearance.
Stephanie Mara 46:16
Yeah, confidence. It's like that confidence or the glow up, that nothing has to change on the outside. That's an internal thing. When that's so powerful, because you can see it in people. You can see it the way that they present themselves.
Stephanie Mara 47:26
Yeah, I love that. Yeah. Well, I just loved our conversation today. As always, I love talking with you and reconnecting with you. And yeah, just thanks for sharing everything you did. I'll put all the links in the show notes to contact you, if anyone's interested in your programs and, you know, learning more about how they can kind of incorporate maybe new novel physical movement challenges in their life, but in a way that also, you know, takes the focus that like you said, off of the look and more internal of like, how do you want to feel in this body?
Kylie Larson 47:56
Awesome. Thank you so much Steph.
Stephanie Mara 47:57
Yeah, and to everyone listening as always, thanks for tuning in and I will look forward to connecting with you all next week. Bye!
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