Are You Trapped In a Self Judgment Cycle?

Have you ever noticed that your relationship with food changes when self judgment increases?

Perhaps the foods you choose to eat change or you notice you eat more or potentially stop eating at all. How we are interacting with our food can be a strong mirror reflecting back to us how we are interacting with ourselves.

This current day relationship we have with ourselves often got cultivated at a very young age. If we sensed that our parent's love was conditional and we only received their affection and acceptance when we showed up and behaved in a certain way they have deemed acceptable, a roadmap begins to get created internally for how you're "supposed" to be in the world.

As we age, the habits and patterns we created in childhood that were often shaped by our parent's reactions and responses to us become ingrained where we can start to judge ourselves harshly if we step outside what we have constructed as the behavior that will ensure we will be accepted and supported and appreciated in the world. Self judgment can feel intense in the body to navigate. Additionally, if we have changed ourselves so much to accommodate others, both the intensity of sensations showing up in judging ourselves and the sense of self-abandonment can fuel reaching for food to strive to feel some sense of self re-connection.

This can set up a judgment cycle where you reach for food to try to feel re-connected to you, you judge yourself for reaching for food, which increases the intensity of the sensations you were already trying not to feel, so you reach for more food to self soothe and the cycle begins again.

So how we do step off of the judgment cycle to step into a new relationship with our food and body? Here are three baby steps you can take to start to shift this pattern:

1. Cultivate awareness of your default inner statement.

We created those ways of being in the world because of a belief that was cultivated at a young age. Perhaps this inner statement is you're not good enough, or nothing you do is right, or nothing you do has value. These default inner statements fuel your current behaviors of how you react and interact with yourself and others that perhaps do not feel authentic to who you really want to be in the world. Awareness of this default inner statement means that you're stepping out of automatic pilot mode to start to assess what new beliefs you want to start feeding yourself that feels more in alignment with who you are.

2. Appreciate the part of you trying to make sure you're loved and accepted.

When you notice yourself starting the judgment cycle, pause. Get curious about who is showing up at that moment. Is this an inner child that just wants to get it right? Is this an inner teenager that just wants to be accepted? Whoever is present, appreciate them for showing up to try to ensure that you're loved and accepted. To step out of the judgment cycle, we need to stop judging ourselves especially when we feel the urge to play out the habits and patterns we know so well.

Those habits have supported you for so long and so you get to appreciate the part of you that created them at a time in your life where you didn't know how to show up for yourself differently. I look at baby pictures of myself all the time to remind myself just how far I have come and there is still that inner child that needs my attention at times to know that I will unconditionally love and accept her no matter what. Whenever you feel the urge to judge, take out a picture of a younger you, and practice interacting with them the way you would a loved one in your life.

3. Ask yourself what you need. 

Now that we're starting to feed your body new beliefs and statements, and have an appreciation for the part of you that is just trying to support you, we can get curious about what you're needing. The judgment cycle is trying to protect you from something. To shift this pattern, it can be supportive to foster understanding of what you're trying to protect yourself from so you can tap into a deeper need and satiate that need in a new way that feels more nourishing and grounding.

For example, let's say the judgment cycle started for you because your default inner statement is you're not good enough and this got created because your parents set high standards for you at a young age. If we could go back in time, what did that part of you need to hear? Did they need to know that they were doing the best they could at the time and be celebrated for their best efforts? If so, what could you acknowledge today that you did the best you could at a particular moment in your life now?

I know how intense it can feel to step out of a judgment cycle and how much resistance can sometimes arise in the process. If you're ever looking for more support on this journey, email me at support@stephaniemara.com anytime.