Religion, Disordered Eating, Jewish Upbringing, and a Forever Changed Relationship With Food

I'm Jewish. I grew up celebrating all of the Jewish holidays. Every Jewish holiday is often connected to some kind of specific food. Rosh Hashana, the Jewish New Year, is connected to apples and honey. Shabbat, beginning every Friday night, is connected to lighting candles and saying a blessing over wine and challah. Chanukah is often connected to latkes. Passover, which celebrates the escape of the Israelites from Egypt, is connected to not eating any food that has leavening and the seder table is filled with symbolic foods. Purim is connected to Hamantashen cookies. Yom Kippur is connected to fasting for 24 hours and not eating at all.

I grew up surrounded by foods having meaning.

I grew up eating certain foods only at specific times of the year for a reason. I grew up in a household that kept Kosher, which in simplest terms, means foods that conform to the Jewish dietary regulations. I was 25 years old when I cooked shrimp for the first time in my own apartment and was curious why it felt so wrong until I realized I grew up never eating shellfish inside the house but only when we went out to a restaurant. I grew up with a mother, who is an amazing cook, that made the same things every holiday. I knew I could come to expect matzoh ball soup, noodle kugel, blitzes, bagels and lox, challah, potato latkes, rugelach cookies, I could go on and on, but I knew I could expect to eat these things on certain holidays at specific times of the year. It brought a certain cadence to the year. Something that felt reliable and predictable.

I appreciate that my Jewish parents wanted me to wait to observe Yom Kippur and fast for the day until I was older. Everyone was fasting as my mom made me mac and cheese. I remembered thinking I couldn't wait until I could fast for the day like everyone else. Let me repeat that. As a child, I couldn't wait to fast. There was something about it that felt like a right of passage and for a long time I had a belief that NOT eating felt like the "right" thing to do. I will add that not everyone has this reaction to fasting, but you put a combination of religion, perfectionism, anxiety, people pleasing, and trauma altogether, and this can set an individual up for some disordered eating. Referenced from the National Eating Disorder Association: "In one study of ultra-Orthodox and Syrian Jewish communities in Brooklyn, 1 out of 19 girls was diagnosed with an eating disorder, which is a rate about 50 percent higher than the general U.S. population."

Judaism is not the only religion that has this focus and connection with food. This preoccupation with food built into some religions can affect your relationship with food long term.

I want you to reflect for a moment on your unique religious upbringing:

• What memories do you have around holidays and food?

• What foods did you only eat at a certain time of year?

• What food restrictions or fasting rituals did you grow up with?

• How did what you learn from your religion teach you about how to relate to food and your body?

• How have principles of right and wrong translated over to how you have viewed food and yourself?

• Have you ever felt a sense of shame after a binge or emotional eating experience because it felt morally wrong or like a sin?

The first Yom Kippur as an adult I made the decision to not fast because I needed to put the care of my body and my relationship with food first, I felt a deep sense of guilt that I had to sit with and reflect on and explore. No matter what you believe in, you never deserve to feel like you have done something wrong or bad in your relationship with food. You're on your own unique food and body adventure and you get to discover what supports you in feeling connected and alive and safe.

Everyone's religious experience is unique. When on a food and body healing journey, it can be an important reflection to explore how your young mind may have internalized some religious beliefs or guidance in a way that actually made a huge impact on your relationship with food for better or worse. There are plenty of other studies that state how religion has supported individuals in feeling more connected and decreased eating and body challenges. So just as you can explore how certain religious teachings perhaps broke your sense of trust in your body and relationship with food, you can also assess the religion you engage in or the spirituality you sense in your life and what has supported you in navigating your relationship with food with more ease. This can also be wonderful awareness to have around what uniquely supports you.

While Judaism certainly brought more attention in my life to food, it also brought forth an appreciation for tradition, ritual, and making recipes that have been passed down from generation to generation. There has been such a profound experience in making a recipe that so many Jewish ancestors have made. But there were things as I healed my relationship with food and body that I had to question, get curious about, and reassess what parts of Judaism align with me as a person and you get to do the same. You can take some time to journal about the questions offered here. There won't be a right or wrong answer to these questions. Just an opportunity to learn more about you and the beliefs you bring to the table every time you eat.

If you're ever looking for more support or have any questions, email me at support@stephaniemara.com anytime. I'm here for you in all of these food and body explorations!