The Non-Sexy, Not Marketable Approach to Lasting Body Wellness

Welcome to the Satiated Podcast, where we explore physical and emotional hunger, satiation and healing your relationship with your food and body. I'm your host. Stephanie Mara Fox, your Somatic Nutritional Counselor.

What does it mean to you to take care of your body? Diet and wellness culture can instill a message that caring for your body means controlling it, shrinking it, perfecting it, or following rigid routines in the name of health. But true body care goes deeper—it’s about listening rather than overriding, nourishing rather than depriving, and honoring your body’s rhythms instead of forcing it into someone else’s ideals. When leaving these cultures that keep you at a distance from your body, you might need to update your definition of what caring for your body looks and feels like. I chat about this and more with Ashley Fillmore today.

Ashley helps women heal their metabolism, balance their hormones, and achieve body-composition changes that last a lifetime. Ashley has a BSc in Exercise and Nutrition and is a certified personal trainer, professional nutrition coach, and health educator with nearly twenty years of experience! Ashley is the host of the Cheers to Your Success Podcast and the founder and president of Metabolic Fix™– a premium online coaching company that has helped thousands of women finally break free from chronic dieting and achieve long-term, sustainable results using the Metabolic Fix Method™. She is deeply committed to helping women better their lives, and strives to inspire others to embrace the life of health, happiness, and self-love they deserve. We chat about shifting from reactive actions for your health to preventative, the role of stress and burnout in your health and food behaviors, finding the right practitioner to work with for you and how to state your needs with them, and identifying progress beyond the scale. After we were done recording, we called our chat the non-sexy, not social media marketable parts of what it actually means to take care of yourself and that doesn't look like eating better and moving more. As a reminder, the Somatic Eating® Program, which is my live 12 week class, teaches you how to create a safe, secure, and satiated relationship with your food and body. Doors open in three weeks so be sure to get on the waitlist now at somaticeating.com. Now, welcome Ashley!

I am really excited to have you here today and to be talking about, you know, our body, that we explore so many different lenses here, and I'm excited to bring yours in. And just as we get started here, I'd love to hear more about you and how you got into the work that you're doing.

Ashley Fillmore 02:59

Well thank you so much for having me on your show, Stephanie, and I'm so excited to talk with you today. My journey actually started in this industry, and personally, almost 20 years ago. So I've been doing this for quite some time. My undergraduate degrees' in exercise and nutrition. Shortly after that, my internship became my first full time corporate job as the head personal trainer nutritionist, and I just was so passionate about helping women improve their health and quality of life. A little back story, I actually thought I wanted to go into nursing school, and when I started to go through some of the curriculum, I realized, ah, I actually want to be on the prevention side. So I ended up changing my major. I haven't shared that on all of my podcast episodes, but I ended up changing my major and decided to go into exercise and nutrition. And so I've always been really passionate about helping people. And my passion really lies in wanting to help people get in front of things, instead of being so reactive, getting in front of it, being proactive, making lifestyle changes, improving their overall health, and really looking at the bigger picture. And so that's where my story began, and here I am, almost 20 years later, working with women exclusively online through my company Metabolic Fix, and I'm so grateful to just be able to help women become the healthiest version of themselves, and especially the women I work with are in their late 30s, mostly 40s, and it can be a really trying time of life where you're juggling so much, and really you're on the back burner, and it's just so exciting to help women become that healthiest version of themselves during that also simultaneously challenging phase of life.

Stephanie Mara 03:16

Yeah, thanks for sharing all that. It is really interesting just how much with your nutrition or health is always like, Oh, I have an issue. Let me fix this, rather than preventative. So I love that you are bringing in that perspective of, how can we start to take care of ourselves now, before the body has to scream at us, hey, I really need your attention, and I'm curious how you've done that, or what you explore with those that you work with to make it feel more preventative, rather than like reactive.

Ashley Fillmore 05:41

Yeah. So I would say really early on in my career, I truly realized that the whole eat less, move more formula wasn't the secret to success. And in the studio I was working with, you know, again, I was working with women that were 35 plus. They had elementary school, middle school kids, they were working full time, and that formula just wasn't working for them. So I ended up, then getting advanced certifications in hormonal health specific for women, because I realized that there was more to the picture. It wasn't as simple, you just need to exercise more, or you just need to eat less, and that we really needed to approach this from a holistic way and really looking at your body today, but keeping in mind your body is going to shift, your hormones, your life, your metabolism. And so your program and the protocols you're implementing with your nutrition, with your lifestyle habits, with your exercise, also needs to truly shift with you. And so a big part of my journey and passion is helping women do that and also doing that with myself. And that was something I struggled with, if I'm being honest with you, in my early 20s, I lost touch with who I was. I had very low self esteem, and I really bought into a lot of what I consider to be mass produced options that really weren't serving symptoms were getting brushed under the rug the way I was feeling my body, and it was just a really bad state to be in. And so I do try and help women on the other side of that now with more of a science backed approach.

Stephanie Mara 07:15

Yeah, it's so interesting. I went through something similar in my 20s as well, of really getting lost in like, diet and wellness culture and fitness culture, and really feeling like every time I went to a doctor, when I was like, something doesn't feel right, and it was like, well, your blood work looks fine, or I was experiencing like, severe digestive issues in my early 20s, got a colonoscopy done, and they're like, you look fine internally. And it was like, finally having to come to terms of, okay, there's something my body has to tell me, and I'm not going to find it from this traditional medical route. Now I don't want to say that can't help anyone. It's important that that exists. It was very supportive to me at other times of my life, and that like you're pointing to is kind of these other self care things that we need to attend to. I love that you're pointing to that, like, 30, 40s time, because I find it's like we're really focusing a lot of the times on, like, you know, either, like, young in our first puberty, or we're focusing on our second puberty of like, perimenopause and menopause, but kind of this, like, you know, I'm still having my regular menstrual cycle. I have lots of energy, and I'm putting so much on my plate. I'm like, burning myself out with how much I'm trying to do. So I love that you're like, focusing also on this area of a woman's life.

Ashley Fillmore 08:41

Yeah, and for me, it really is important, and I will say working with women, one on one and half for many years, and also in group programs and other offers I've had and in person for all of those years before I moved my company online, I will say that it's always refreshing to hear, wow, maybe I can have a different approach. It's not about doing more or pushing more or cutting more things out, which is so much what we see on social media. It's more about listening to my body and making sure that I'm truly looking at myself as a whole, not just one aspect of my health, but hormonally speaking, metabolically speaking, what's going on in my lifestyle. Also, how is my mental health? Are you checking in there? And how are you feeling? Because we all know that that is going to impact your ability to do anything, and how well you do things in your life and being 38 myself with two small children, I will also say, even being in this field, I too, can get very much so trapped into pushing more, doing more, not so much in the form of exercise, because I'm way past those days. More in the form of saying yes, too much, taking on too much, professionally taking on too much in my personal, personal life, putting all of that together and then sandwiching in, oh, I also have health goals and trying to work that into the equation, it does lead to burnout. And so I think we have to all pull back. And many women are going through this every single day, but it's not being talked about as much. And I think too when most of us maybe sit down at lunch or at the end of a work day and we open our phone, we see beautiful photos of our friends and, you know, maybe siblings or other family members or influencers or people our own age, and we're thinking, wow, they have it together. They look great. Their career is great. Their life's great. Why do I feel so broken? But the reality is, is that I see it behind the scenes. Many women are struggling with the things that we're talking about, and they don't know where to start and how to get their health in order. And it's not just a lack of time. It's almost so much to figure out on their own, it's paralyzing.

Stephanie Mara 10:58

Yeah, absolutely, it can feel so overwhelming that what I find is, for a lot of women, they're staying up later and later in the day just to get those few hours at the end of the day, just for themselves, because their days are so packed full with all their responsibilities and being a parent and all the things that you're pointing to as well, and then you're trying to always catch up on sleep, but you don't want to go to bed any earlier, because those are the only times of the day that you're getting to yourself. So I do hear the kind of the vicious cycle, and I've totally been in that as well. So just want to name that, like, totally understand what that's like, but it does feel like it's a vicious cycle that can feel really difficult to get out of.

Ashley Fillmore 11:39

Yeah, and then I think we can also lose sight of how much it's impacting our overall health and well being. And so the women that I was seeing in person, and the women I even work with online now will come to me sometimes in tears or just so overwhelmed, because they don't know where to start, but they know something needs to change, and simply saying, well, hey, you need to eat these many calories, or you need to do this workout program like that's not going to serve you, not saying that your nutrition and your exercise aren't important because they are, but just having some prescriptive drill sergeant protocol thrown at you is not what you need, especially not through these years where you are simultaneously working hard, trying to build your business or your career or even sustain whatever level you're at. You could have children or animals or family members you're caring for, thinking about your future retirement. I mean, these are all things you're tracking, and it's a lot, and so it's a very, I think, sensitive time in our life where our health is more important than ever. But it's also overwhelming for the average woman, because it's like, where do I start and what do I do?

Stephanie Mara 12:53

Yeah, so something that you keep pointing to is just this question of, where do I start, which I find really hard for a lot of people of just not knowing where to begin, like you're pointing out, there are so many layers that sometimes needs to be addressed. I'm curious what are kind of some of the initial steps that you have found be really helpful?

Ashley Fillmore 13:14

Yeah. So I think first and foremost, the most important thing is to work with a trained expert. And if you are in this phase of life, or maybe you have tried things in the past that haven't served you well, or wherever you are now, if you're unhappy with that result, look over the last year, or two or five years, and think about everything that you've done, there's a lot of clues in there. And I would go to say that several of the things that you're doing aren't serving you. If you're unhappy with where you are, could be, for many reasons, not a good fit for you, not a great ex. Maybe you're working with the wrong person. There's a lot of things. So number one is finding a real expert that is experienced and truly can support you on your journey. And testimonials and doing your homework is really essential, especially these days. So I always like to say that, but then I think the next most important thing to do is make sure that whatever program you're investing in to help you feel your best and to be your best should be customized and meet you where you are. And a lot of programs truly lack this. They truly do. I will say many act as if they offer this, but they don't. Once you get started, it's not real one on one support. It's not real customization. And so it's so important to have your program meet you where you are. And here's a couple reasons why. Hormonally, even if you are in your late 30s, early 40s, things are changing. If you think about your body compared to when you were 20, I would guarantee you would say your body's responding different. You're feeling different, even if your cycles are normal. I too can see and feel certain changes that I've had to accommodate hormonally, things are shifting. It's a great time of your life to start prepping and making sure you're making the right choices to support yourself when you are in, let's say, full on perimenopause or menopause. So hormonally, things are shifting. Metabolically speaking, at Metabolic Fix, my company, I focus very heavily on the metabolism. How to enhance your metabolism with midlife women, your metabolism is shifting, but it can be in a really positive way, by the way, if you're making the right choices, and again, that's customized to you, so not cookie cutter advice. Mindset wise, we all have a story, and generally, by the time we get into our late 30s, many of us have tried diets and failed, or have tried programs and felt like they were too extreme and unsustainable, maybe we're still dealing with some scars from those previous types of programs, so a lot of programs do not serve you when it comes to supporting your journey and what you've been through, and that's another reason why it's so important to have customization is because many women come to me and they'll say, look, I just want to feel good. I just want to be healthy. I don't care about anything else. I just want to have energy to keep up with my kids, get through my work day, play with them on the weekends, and feel confident in my skin like I just want to feel good. Some of my clients even say I just want to feel strong and confident when I'm leading my team meetings at work, versus insecure and self conscious. And so to do that, though, you need to have that customization, and we also need to ensure that everything I mentioned, along with your lifestyle is being considered. And so starting with one, an expert, and then two, someone that's going to look at you, as far as hormonal health, metabolic health, your mindset, your lifestyle, your history, all of those things need to be included, and that's how you start on the right track.

Stephanie Mara 17:02

I love that, because I feel like this has come up in also previous conversations as well more and more is how many programs are starting to take this cookie cutter approach, where maybe they've seen some themes of what they're exploring with a lot of people, and so they're putting a program together to try to meet more people, but it does make someone come out of that experience, not necessarily feeling like their unique needs were addressed, because each person is unique in what they need. You know, even I've been exploring this more around just like binge eating sub types, just because I work with a lot of individuals who are navigating patterns of binge eating, and if we think about it as like, even like burnout subtypes, you know, there's just like, there's different layers of why you're struggling with what you're struggling with, and it has to be an approach that's unique to you and what's going to work for you. So I love that you're pointing this out that it's like, even if you do a program, even if you work with someone one on one, like, do you feel safe with this person? Do you feel like you're being met? Are your needs being met with what you're uniquely going through?

Ashley Fillmore 18:11

Yeah, and I just want to say I used to deal with binge eating, and that was actually a big part of my journey. In my 20s, I started off in this field as a personal trainer, nutrition coach, I did haveunderneath all of it, there was a lot of trauma and a lot of insecurities and a lack of true self worth and value in myself. I didn't realize that until many years later, but it was this all or nothing cycle I was caught in, and it was very much so I was either perfect, and perfect for me wasn't perfect in my terms these days. It was restricting and punishing myself with exercise, and I, you know, needed to do X, Y and Z, to look this way, so people would accept me and like me. And then guess what? Life would happen. I would feel overwhelmed, and stress would come into my life, and I would turn to food, and I would turn to all the things I was resisting. And I've talked about this on my own podcast, and suddenly I find myself in a jar of peanut butter or having a half bar of chocolate. And interestingly, one, to get away from that was I had to break free from that dieting culture BS that I don't buy into now, but two, I also had to find myself. So if I was going to a coach, as we're talking about today, it would be, Hi, I'm Ashley. I used to diet in my early 20s, very restrictive eating, disordered eating habits, struggled with binge eating even, I cannot diet, I cannot focus on things like that, but I want to be healthy. I want to feel good. I want to keep up with my kids, and I do want to have when I say healthy, I mean physically, but also a healthy relationship with food, and the skill set to be able to navigate life when it's stressful, because that's something I used to struggle with, and I didn't have the skills to cope, and it would be again, binging all or nothing. And so for me, going into one of these really well marketed programs that are cookie cutter, it would be a disaster, because there's no customization. I'd probably fall back into some of the restriction that I used to fall into, I would very much so then start feeling like I needed to keep up with everyone and everything, and just get slowly pulled back into that cycle. So I have to stay away from that type of stuff, and I know that. But I also think that doesn't mean that you can't still be the healthiest version of yourself. So that's why that customization is so important, because your program is truly crafted to meet you where you are and serve you where you need to be served most so you never end feeling like there's unresolved barriers. There are still areas you're struggling with, you still just can't figure it out. Those are things that you shouldn't end a program feeling if it truly is customized and you are being worked with, especially on the things you need support with the most.

Stephanie Mara 21:12

I love that you just offered kind of an initial speech to give anybody that you work with. You know, one of the questions that I often ask in my initial session with people is, what have you already tried and what worked and what didn't? Because I want to know where someone is coming from, and I want to know what felt helpful to you, what didn't feel helpful to you, and I want to know your history, and I want to know what you've learned about yourself with what your boundaries are. And if any practitioner doesn't do that, you know, that might be like a little practitioner red flag for you, of like, okay, can this person actually like, respect my boundaries? And it could be in any realm, you know, even I've know some people who will go like they want to feel like they want to learn how to lift weights and they want to get stronger, but they don't want that trainer, which a lot of trainers often then start recommending certain ways of eating, or you need to do it this much and like even to set boundaries at the very beginning, where it's like, hey, I want to learn how to lift weights. I know that's important for my muscles and my bones as I age, especially for women, but I don't want you to suggest to me how to eat. I don't want you to suggest to me a diet. I don't want to take certain measurements, because I know a lot of trainers do that. And just even like coming in with your readiness of like, this is what I need in this experience. Can you meet me in that?

Ashley Fillmore 22:37

Yes, and that's exactly how it should go Stephanie, and I love that you said that, because a lot of times we are afraid to take that ownership and speak up for ourselves and say, this is what I need. And I feel like you're the right person to give me what I need, but I want to confirm that this is what I need, and can you meet me where I am? And many of the women that come to me will also say, hey, you know I'm not in a great place to weigh myself frequently, are you okay with that? And my answer is 100% yes. Thank you so much for letting me know, because with any client or any woman listening in, you should never feel like you have to do something that truly isn't serving you. And there are so many ways to measure progress without getting on the scale or measuring your food or, you know, whatever other metric that you're using, so you have to take that ownership though, and say, you know what I'm going to implement in this boundary. And as you said, even going in the gym and saying, hey, I'm here for you to teach me how to lift weights correctly, and I want all of the advice about weight loss, but to be honest, I really don't want to chat about diets and things like that. You know, it's just not what I'm here for and you don't at times, we feel like we have to over explain. And I've been there, it's like, well, I can't talk about this, and then I'll give the whole back story. And then I've caught myself in my journey, thinking, why do I have to explain myself in so much detail? Can it be simply, hey, I really just wanted to let you know this isn't something I'm willing to do, but I'm here for the workouts, or for whatever it may be, or, hey, really interested in doing this program, but these are some things I'm not comfortable with doing, is this still a good fit for me? I love questions like that, because that's an opportunity for your coach or trainer, or whomever you're working with to say, hey, I can accommodate that. Or actually, this is a part of the program. And oftentimes, if it is cookie cutter, or you're working with someone, as you said, maybe this is a red flag that isn't really specialized in what you need. They may then say, I'm sorry I can't do that for you, or I can't bend. This is how the program works, which means it's not customized to meet you where you are.

Stephanie Mara 24:55

Which actually saves both of you time, because if you're up front at the beginning and say, this is what I want and they say, I can't meet it. You save your time, and you save their time, and both of you get to go off and find the people that are best fits for both. And I want to come back for a second of what you were saying, of there are different identifiers of tracking progress, and I find that so important. It's something that I explore a lot with those I work with as well. And I'm curious if you could name some of the other identifiers you track, besides, you know, what we're taught usually from, like, diet culture is just the scale. Or, you know, from fitness culture is just like your metrics of, you know, are you getting stronger? Do you have more muscle? Do you have less fat? And it's just like there are a lot of other identifiers that we could be tracking that show progress towards health besides all of these metrics.

Ashley Fillmore 25:49

Yeah, so that's a great question, and actually, the scale is the last metric I'm looking at. Number one, it's really not an accurate way to measure progress, and any really well trained expert knows that, you know, it's really not even a significant, it's going to fluctuate. There's many things that and going to influence that number. So for me, it's actually the last thing I care about, you know. So for me, number one, I will say, with my clientele, it starts with this, how are you feeling? How are you feeling? No one is asking that question. There's a lot of other things I'm going to go into, other biofeedback metrics we should be paying attention to, but number one is, how are you feeling? Because it doesn't matter what I think or what I'm seeing on paper through other biofeedback metrics, how are you feeling? And truly, honestly, answer that if you're feeling good about what you're doing and you just feel great, and you feel like a weights been lifted off your chest, then wonderful. But are you feeling stretched thin? Is what the work that we're doing together creating more stress in your life? Are you feeling overwhelmed or triggered? Or is your digestive health going down, or your energy sluggish? Those are all red flags. So how are you feeling? And then other things, your energy, which I referred to just a second ago, is so important, because whatever you're doing, it should be helping you feel really great. And so is your energy improving, or are you still sluggish and feel like you need a nap? How's your digestion? Are you having daily bowel movements? If not, that's something you can optimize as well. Overall, how's your mindset? Now, there's a lot of different, you know, little paths we can go off when it comes to mindset health. But how's your mindset? If it's poor, I'm pretty certain it's going to have a negative impact on every other health thing you're trying to do with your nutrition or your workouts or your lifestyle habits, and do you feel supported? And oftentimes, as women, we can white knuckle and power through things and not ask for help or feel alone and just kind of shove those things down. I've been there. I know how that feels. And sometimes it could be, actually, I feel like I need more support, or I feel like I'm not getting support from my partner or my family or my best friend or whatever it may be. And then that opens up a great discussion. And then sure, we can go on and ask, are you feeling stronger? And look at the numbers in the gym as far as weights that you're lifting. Are you improving your stamina? We can look at how your clothes fitting. All of those things are very important as well in your journey. But I didn't say them first, because I feel like everything else should come first. Health centered first, and then you can look into other things, if necessary.

Stephanie Mara 28:37

I love all those pieces, and I completely agree that, as a somatic practitioner, I'm like, yeah, I'm totally on the same page that we have to start with the felt sense of the body, and we have to learn, how do I track the felt sense of my body to know, do I feel good? Do I feel bad? What helps me feel more vibrant? What helps me sleep better? You know, there's a lot of things that we can start to play with to get to know this body that we're in. And I find that when the focus is just on anything that's external, like you said, that has to be last, that sometimes is keeping you actually at a distance from noticing how it is that you feel, because the body's then being viewed as an object rather than a living, breathing thing that is communicating with you, that you can be on its team, working with it, rather than this is an object that I need to fix.

Ashley Fillmore 29:37

Yeah, I couldn't agree more. I so agree. And I also love that you mentioned sleep. And I will say stress is another thing to keep in mind. You know, if you are really stressed out, that is another biofeedback metric you should pay attention to. And interestingly, if you are working, let's say, on improving your health or body composition, or another, you know, something related to your health. A really good coach is going to ask you those questions. First, how are you feeling, how's your sleep, how's your stress, how's your energy, how's your digestion? Because those things actually matter the most, and that's going to trickle down and impact every goal and everything about your being and looking at yourself as a whole, like you said, instead of an object, and honestly, it's tuning in with yourself, right? It's like when we get in our car, if we have 50 lights pop up, the check engine light, the low fuel, the low oil. I mean, we're only going to get so far right before it ends up just not being drivable anymore. The same thing can happen with us. You know, our body is talking to us all the time. We're either listening or we're not. And in our culture, we're taught to not listen to our body, and we're ignoring how we're feeling, our energy overall, how's our mindset, our digestion, our sleep, all of those things. We're ignoring those things and focusing in so much on the other things. We're really losing track of the bigger picture. Here it starts with the most important things that we discussed at first, that is really your foundation.

Stephanie Mara 31:14

Thank you so much for also bringing in stress. I find that it is not discussed enough about how much stress plays a role in the optimal functioning of our entire body. It predicts like how our systems are able to work. It guides our cravings, our food behaviors. I mean, there's just so many things that an increase in cortisol in our body actually plays an effect with and so it is this very important thing to consider, is how stressed am I on a day to day basis? And usually what I find is that someone will come to me being like I've explored all the nutritional things. I'm moving my body. They're feeling like they're doing everything, quote, unquote, right. And they're like, coming back to the felt sense, they still feel horrible in their system. And so that's where, yes, I am so glad you're bringing this in that it does kind of go into what else is going on, coming way back to how we started, of like, how much self care and breaks and time are you spending with yourself so that we can kind of modulate this cortisol response, so that maybe all the other things that you're amazingly doing for yourself, you start to feel the effects of those.

Ashley Fillmore 32:38

Yes, and I see it behind the scenes every day and have for years. I mean women that I work with, and I'd say most women around the world are feeling really stressed out. We're juggling so much. There's anxiety, there's depression. I have clients that have come to me and you know, I'm so anxious, my mind's constantly running. I've so much on my plate with work and family and all the things and like I just feel like I can't prioritize myself at all because I'm stretched so thin, or I'm waking up in the night because I have these thoughts on my mind or these worries are keeping me up. And it really does start with you, truly trying to get to the root cause of those stressors, and trying to take some of them off your plate, and it is hard work. I want to say that, because some of the work to do that may mean you changing your lifestyle. It may mean you saying no more frequently, you implementing boundaries, you doing more things to regulate your nervous system. And it could be various self help things, to therapy, to tons of different things, or different types of therapy you can get. Not my wheelhouse. I'm not a mental health expert, but I will say, from my own experience and seeing my clients go through these things that it cannot be overlooked. When it comes to health goals, if your stress and cortisol is through the roof, it will stall your progress in its tracks. But sometimes we don't want to hear that stress is what's causing that, we don't want to hear it's stress, because sometimes that's an even bigger problem to fix. So it can open up a whole new can of worms, essentially, where it's like, okay, so if stress is really impacting my sleep and all of these other things that I feel like I'm struggling in, how do I stop being so stressed out and it's not an off and on switch? And so, you know, that's where I always say, hey, we can do a lot in your lifestyle. We can talk about your schedule and what's really triggering you, and try and figure out maybe, you know, hey, could you set some boundaries, or do a little less, or work a few less hours per week, or take a Saturday to yourself, or hire a great therapist, or work with someone that can help you regulate your nervous system and really tap into tools that can help you de stress yourself. I mean, there's so much that you can do, but sometimes it really is going there and spending the time there to realize it. But I just want to say by finishing this statement, you're not alone. So many of us are going through that. I even welcomed you today, or when we joined, I said, hi. I actually just got done doing a yoga class, but it focuses heavily on breath work and nervous system regulation. I was like, you know, this isn't my norm, and it's not, you know, it's not a norm for me to take a 12 o'clock breath work yoga class, but as I preach to my clients, I have to ensure that I'm prioritizing regulating my nervous system, managing stress and anxiety, if I truly want to be the healthiest version of myself.

Stephanie Mara 35:42

I'm smiling over here because your response is like, I would think the exact same thing. Like, okay, if we bring in just the immense self compassion in this that you're focusing also on your food and what you can eat and how you can move differently for a reason. There is no shame in that, you're not doing anything wrong or bad. Yes, we're kind of talking about how there's maybe some other underlying things that need some attention, but sometimes that feels so overwhelming and triggering to attend to those things, because there's maybe so many things in your life that would need to change about how you're approaching life, or all the ways that you're saying yes or fear of setting boundaries, that that feels so big that sometimes it just feels safer or easier to focus on. Well, could I eat differently and could I move differently because those things feel approachable and doable than all these other really big things that maybe need my attention.

Ashley Fillmore 36:43

Yeah, you're right, and it does. And I think that's why we turn to that. I think that's why we turn to, well, what can I eat, or what shouldn't I eat, or what workout should I do? When, really, you know, sure, there's a small population of us that come into everything with a clean slate, and it's like, hey, I feel amazing. Life is great. I really do just want to learn how to eat the right way and exercise the right way. But there's a very small percentage. I'd say those are the outliers. Most of us are carrying some type of emotional distress, really bad relationship with dieting, bad relationship with self, underlying hormonal issues, other chronic diseases, metabolic issues, and so we're carrying a lot. And you're right, sometimes those things are harder to work through. And I will say the mindset stuff, stress, mindset, that is by far the hardest work to do. But you can start really small. You could also start by going to a noon or a 6am or 7pm yoga class that focuses on breath work and regulating your nervous system. You could do that. That's a start. You can download apps these days or listen to great podcast, and you can do a lot. And so I think we have to realize with all of our goals, you don't have to do everything at once. It can be one small action with your nutrition, with your exercise, with your mindset. It doesn't have to be everything all at once. Start small. Once you adapt and it becomes a habit and you're used to it, layer something else on, and that is an easy way to take on and tackle the challenges we experience when we want to change, because the end version is you being a healthier, happier version of yourself. She's that woman waiting at the end of the tunnel with the big rainbow. So to get there, you're going to have to journey there, but you have to keep in mind she's there and she's waiting, and she's happy and she's healthy, and she's all the things that you want to be that maybe right now you don't feel like you quite yet have figured out. And just remember, each little step there is one step closer. It doesn't matter how long it takes, as long as you're moving in the right direction, that's okay. It doesn't matter. And so for me, that's always been really encouraging for myself and my clients, is I see where I'm going, and there are going to be ups and downs and challenges, but I don't have to do everything at once. It could be I'm going to do a yoga class once a week, is my commitment, or I'm going to download a breath work app because I have no idea what that even means or how to do it correctly. It could be speaking with a therapist, working with a great coach that specializes in what where you need support. You can literally start with those, just one of those things, and then we do the same with your nutrition and your exercise and whatever other barriers we need to get past for you to become that healthier version of yourself.

Stephanie Mara 39:49

I completely agree with breaking things down into baby steps. I feel like I talk about that so much here, so I'm so glad you're also bringing that in that sometimes there can be so many suggestions out there that I find it is starting with okay, what is one place that I feel most manageable and approachable that I could start to do something in this area of my life, and I love that you also brought in this to the beautiful imagery of imagining yourself in the future. You know, sometimes we also have to remember, why am I doing this? What is it that I'm doing this for? And sometimes embodying that future person and be like, okay, how would that future person respond in this moment, like, I just finished a meeting, and my usual go to is to just go straight into my next meeting. How would future me respond to this? Well, future me would maybe go take a step outside and get a fresh breath of air and drink some water and, like, take a second for myself. And it could be actually that small, so it doesn't have to be really big. So I love that you're pointing to this of just breaking it down into what's the most manageable bite sized step that you can take now, because every step is going to take you towards that person that you are wanting to be.

Ashley Fillmore 41:06

Exactly.

Stephanie Mara 41:07

You just offered a fantastic baby step. I usually like to end with, like, is there a baby step of all the things that we've talked about today that if someone's like, I don't know where to get started. I don't know how to even start shifting away from the doing to just the being, is there anything else that you would suggest to people listening?

Ashley Fillmore 41:27

Yeah, so number one, I think it starts with you looking at yourself in the mirror instead of looking at yourself and saying, you're not good enough, you're not strong enough, you're not pretty enough, you're not the right size, you're not healthy enough, whatever it may be, and looking at yourself and saying you are enough, because you are enough. And throughout this conversation, hopefully the guest has been able to see that we all have imperfections and challenges and many things that we're overcoming. Not everyone's talking about them openly, because it takes a lot of vulnerability to put yourself out there, and actually a lot of confidence to do that, to be honest, and it's hard to get there, to that level, to feel safe enough and secure enough to do that. But with that being said, you're not alone. And so looking at yourself in the mirror and saying you are enough, and not that you're going to try to do better, you will do better. But I want to say will do better doesn't mean you doing everything at once. I will do better means you're not going to give up. You're not going to allow fear to paralyze you or overwhelm to paralyze you. You're committing to yourself. There's no backup plan. You are going to get to where you want to be, as I said, that healthier version of yourself at the end of that tunnel, that's everything that you want to be, but you have to take action. My last piece of advice would be, is take action. Just get started. And so it could be one of the suggestions I shared. It could be hiring a coach. It could be whatever that next step looks for you, but you also don't have to do this alone. I spent so many years doing things alone and figuring it out on my own, and struggling and regressing and feeling ashamed and embarrassed because I was a nutrition coach and a personal trainer and specialized in hormonal health for women. Why am I the one that's struggling with dieting and binge eating peanut butter, and it's stuck in these vicious traps. But when I ripped off the band aids and says, hey, I'm not perfect, and I need help, and I'm not going to be ashamed of where I am and asking for help, my whole entire life changed. And so that's really where I think I would like to leave that woman or that person that's saying, I don't know what to do. I don't know where to start. Don't overthink it. You just gotta start, and you don't have to do it alone.

Stephanie Mara 43:51

Such a great suggestion. And love the reminder of get into community. And community could be, get with your friend, do something with them together. If going to a yoga class feels really scary or new or daunting, make it an event with a bunch of people and be like, we're all gonna go to this class together and see how it goes. And I love that reminder of just like you don't have to do this alone, it's actually really important that healing happens in community and when we feel connected to others with whatever journey we're on. So thank you for that reminder.

Ashley Fillmore 44:26

Yeah, you're welcome.

Stephanie Mara 44:28

Now, how can listeners keep in touch with you and the amazing work that you're doing in the world?

Ashley Fillmore 44:33

Yeah. So there's a couple of places to connect. I am on Instagram, and my handle is Ashley underscore, Fillmore, F, I, L, L, M, O, R, E, 1. I also have a podcast that I release weekly on and it's Cheers To Your Success. And then my website, metabolicfix.com is another place you can check out my programs and different things I offer throughout the year.

Stephanie Mara 44:58

Awesome. I will put all those links in the show notes and just thank you so much again for being here and sharing all of your wisdom. I even feel inspired from our conversation today.

Ashley Fillmore 45:08

Thank you so much for having me on your show.

Stephanie Mara 45:11

Absolutely. Well to everyone listening, thanks so much for being here. As always, if you ever have any questions, email me at support@stephaniemara.com anytime, and I hope you all have a safety producing and satiating rest of your day. Talk to you all soon. Bye!

Keep in touch with Ashley:

Website: https://www.metabolicfix.com/one
Podcast: https://www.metabolicfix.com/podcasts/cheers-to-your-success
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ashley_fillmore1/
Free Phase Assessment Quiz: https://www.metabolicfix.com/phase-quiz
Free Hormone Assessment and Hormonal Guide: https://www.metabolicfix.com/hormone-quiz