Breaking Up With Nightime Binging

Whenever I would go through stressful times in my teens and early '20s, my favorite time to binge on food was in the evenings. I have found over the years that I'm not alone in that experience. Nighttime for many can be the one time in the day where there is finally time to focus on self. There is no work to do, nowhere to go, just you, your thoughts, and emotions.

Nighttime can be when the harsh internal voices rise up in their intensity. Nighttime can be when the emotions that have been trying to get our attention all day can make themselves known in full force. If we have no tools in how to navigate what is showing up, it is completely natural to then reach for food as a tool to self soothe. Food is often the first form of love we received from a parent or caretaker as a baby. Being fed meant that we were seen, loved, and safe.

As adults, if we're not feeling safe in our body, we can have a natural inclination to reach for food as it can support with dopamine release and activate the vagus nerve guiding our body back into a parasympathetic nervous system response, where we can feel relaxed and safe once again. The thing about reaching for food though in these moments is that the experience of relaxation sparked by eating only lasts while we're eating the food. Once the eating stops, the emotions and thoughts that were there previously will still be there wanting our attention.

Breaking up with overeating in the evenings can feel intense. Often it has been a habit or pattern that has been there for so long it feels like your best friend waiting to hug you and hold you every night. But it can also feel like an abusive relationship where the promise that eating will bring you everything you're looking to feel only to disappoint again and again once the eating is done where then the shame and guilt and immense self-judgment arise.

Shifting this nighttime pattern can take time and practice. Here are some new steps you can start to explore taking when the urge to reach for food arises in the evening.

1. First, acknowledge the urge to reach for food. Let the part of you that has relied on food to self soothe know that, just for now, food is no longer an option as you engage with other self-care tools. Setting evening boundaries is not about restriction but that you will be putting the care and safety of your body first.

2. Make a list of 5 different actions you could take instead of reaching for food. Sometimes we just need the reminder that we have a choice. You can place this list on your fridge so you can reference this list before you reach for food to remind yourself of other actions you can take at night that would support you in feeling relaxed, connected, comforted, and at peace.

3. Last have a dialogue with the part of you desiring to reach for food. Ask them what they are needing, explore how old they are and what are they needing to hear to feel held and heard and seen. You get to meet yourself the ways you always wished you were loved and appreciated when you were younger.

Be gentle with yourself in this process. Food came in at a time in your life when you needed it. You can invite so much compassion into your body that you have done the best you could to show up for you with the awareness you have had at any moment. You're aware now that this pattern with food is no longer serving you.

If you decide after engaging in other acts that food is the best self-soothing act you can take you get to own that decision. Put that food on your favorite plate, slow down with it, and allow yourself to feel the pleasure, relaxation, and peace that food can provide while eating it. Eat the food, trust that was the best decision you could make, and then you can reference your self-care list again and choose another action you can take after eating. Take all the baby steps you need on this path.

If you're ever looking for more support, email me at support@stephaniemara.com anytime.