39 Insights Learned in 39 Years of Mistakes and Adventures
My birthday was this past Thursday, March 27th. I turned 39 and am entering my last year in my thirties. I recently told a friend that I was excited to say goodbye to my thirties. My twenties were spent healing from diet culture, from binge eating, from a broken heart, and from digestive issues. My thirties were where I feel I did my most profound trauma recovery as to why the events in my twenties occurred, and actually got to know myself. It has been messy, it’s been hard, it’s been joyful, and confusing, and I’m ready to step into a decade of my life where I’m figuring out fewer things and going after what I want to create.
I used to read articles like these when I was a teen. I would devour someone else’s lessons, wishing that they would provide me some hope that things would change and that I had so much more to look forward to in life. Regardless of where you’re at, I hope my 39 lessons I’ve learned in 39 years can remind you about how far you’ve come or provide you hope that you still have so much more time for things to change.
0-19 years old lessons
Never forget how important play is. When life feels like it is falling apart. Find some way to laugh.
Good friends who show up for you no matter what are priceless.
If you have to change something about yourself for someone else to like you, that person isn’t worth your time or your energy.
Repair is always possible with the people who see your value in their lives.
Your grades, accolades, successes, jobs, and relationships don’t define you. You’ve made more of a difference in the world simply by existing and being yourself.
Don’t hide yourself away when you’re struggling. There are people out there who can hold space for your sadness, and you can only find them when you share what you’re going through.
Reach out for support. You don’t have to drown when the world is ready and willing and waiting to help you.
Spending time outdoors will make most problems feel a lot easier to handle.
Start practicing making decisions as soon as you can. That trust you create with yourself will carry you through all the small and complex decisions you will make.
Your heart will be broken more times than you’d like. You may feel immense fear afterward when trying to put yourself back into community. Feel the fear, just don’t get stuck where you are with it.
20-29 year old
Undereating is under-living. You’re going to miss out on so much if you don’t eat enough food to sustain you.
No one will ever see your binging as shameful. When you share your food behaviors with people you trust, you create an opportunity for yourself to lean more on people and less on food.
Novel experiences are crucial for building a life you want to be living.
Travel. Travel often. Travel as much as you can. Even if it is taking yourself out on an adventure right where you live. Experiencing new sights, sounds, and smells will create more compassion for yourself and others.
It is how you show up for yourself and what you take away from making a mistake that will alter that experience from a shameful one to a life lesson.
Your emotions won’t stick around for as long as you think they will. You will find you enjoy feeling the whole gamut of human emotions rather than the small few that were deemed allowed to feel.
Love will not look like what you’ve been taught from media and movies. Consistent, enduring love will feel more like a strong oak tree you can lean against and know that it’s not going anywhere and will weather any storm with you.
Make plans, but know that sometimes you’ll also have to break them because you may grow out of those plans at some point.
Whatever brings you a soft and relaxed belly, do more of that.
Move your body before making that decision or having that important conversation. Moving your body can often provide the clarity you’re looking for.
30-39 years old
Never forget that you can handle more than you think you can.
You will always regret cutting your hair short. And you will do it again anyway.
Rest more. Plan for rest. Intentionally create days where all you do is rest.
You may continue to get triggered in the present because of things that happened in the past, but you will catch yourself much faster and know what you need in that activation.
Stop being so scared of getting lost. You’ve learned so much about yourself when you’ve lost your way (literally and figuratively).
Food is your friend. There is a way of eating that will work for you and only you that will stabilize you so that you can shift your focus to what you want to do with your precious time.
Your body’s appearance never guaranteed anything. It only showed you who wasn’t meant to be in your life if they only liked you when you looked one way.
Beware of people who love bomb you. They will never stick around and that’s not about you.
Working to understand someone else’s perspective will solve about 99% of problems (but make sure they are doing the same for you too).
You can work toward big dreams and goals in life, but what you achieve will never define your worth. You are enough simply because you are alive.
Learn how to spend time with yourself and enjoy your own company. People will come and go and you will always have the relationship you have with yourself.
Whenever you feel lost, return to what made you smile when you were younger: read, doodle, play.
Changing how you eat, react, and respond is f’ing hard. Please be gentle with yourself as you move toward something that feels more in alignment with who you want to be.
You’re going to feel stuck for weeks, months, sometimes even years. Rather than seeing yourself as immobile, see yourself as a planted seed that will sprout when it’s ready.
Process the past, but don’t forget to look toward the future. There is so much of your life that has yet to be lived.
There’s always time for a deep breath.
You are the only one who gets to define you. You know yourself more than anyone ever will.
Continuing to push yourself outside your comfort zone can sometimes stall progress. Find the baby steps that feel safe to take that don’t constantly make you feel overwhelmed.
Keep dreaming. There’s so much more to come.